AFC North Baltimore Ravens "It's going to be weird without Ray Lewis and Anquan Boldin, but we'll be fine. Yeah, we'll be fine. We might actually be better. We should be fine. I think we'll be OK." Cincinnati Bengals "A.J. Green, man. A.J. Green. And we have the best defensive line in the league. If you can pass and rush the passer, you can win in today's NFL." Cleveland Browns "I know this is weird, but I think I might like Brandon Weeden." Pittsburgh Steelers "Everyone's hating on us this year. I cannot wait to shove it in their faces. Don't worry about Le'Veon Bell, it's totally not a Lisfranc injury, I can just tell." NFC North Chicago Bears "Seriously, this is Jay Cutler's year. Everything is in place for him to have a great season. He just needed the right pieces around him." Detroit Lions "As long as Matt Stafford can stay healthy, we'll be in good shape — Reggie Bush is the weapon we needed to take the pressure off Megatron." Green Bay Packers "I just want our defense to make one tackle. That's it." Minnesota Vikings "All Christian Ponder needs to do is hand the ball off to Adrian Peterson. And not be an idiot." AFC South Houston Texans "We're going to the Super Bowl. Are you kidding me? Arian Foster and J.J. Watt? Super Bowl." Indianapolis Colts "If our line holds up and we can establish some sort of a running game to take the pressure off Luck, we'll be all right, probably. On offense." Jacksonville Jaguars "Nope. Never seen a game." Tennessee Titans "I don't care. I just want Chris Johnson to have a good year." NFC South Atlanta Falcons "Matt Ryan, Julio Jones, Roddy White, Tony Gonzlaez, AND we have Steven Jackson now. It doesn't matter who we play, we're going to score 100 points every game." Carolina Panthers "If we stop running the read-option, we'll be fine. It's not gonna work for us. Cam Newton has a good arm, just let him throw it." New Orleans Saints "Sean Payton wasn't coaching, so last year didn't count. IT DIDN'T COUNT!" Tampa Bay Buccaneers "I guarantee we fall apart again." AFC East Buffalo Bills "We'll probably lose a bunch of games, but E.J. Manuel is going to take us to the Super Bowl eventually." Miami Dolphins "Yeah, I guess we're going with Tannehill. We'll see how that goes." New England Patriots "I never liked Hernandez, and I told you that from day one. We don't want guys like that on our team anyway. It's just going to be extra motivation for Brady." New York Jets "You know I love this team, but we have to get rid of Sanchez and give Geno Smith a shot. I don't care if Geno Smith sucks too — Sanchez is done." NFC East Dallas Cowboys "God dammnit, Tony Romo." New York Giants "I don't think it's our year, but we don't ever even start playing until the second half of the season, so right now, who cares?" Philadelphia Eagles "All I'm saying is that Chip Kelly will be better than Andy Reid for the personnel we have. Vick could really thrive in this system." Washington Redskins "RG3 will be ready to go week one. Orthopedic treatments have really come a long way in the last decade. You wouldn't believe what doctors can do nowadays." AFC West Denver Broncos "We should have won it last year, but that's fine — we'll win it this year with Welker. As long as our secondary doesn't blow it again." Kansas City Chiefs "It's a bounceback year. Alex Smith was really taking off in San Francisco before he got hurt." Oakland Raiders "Woodson is back, the A's are making the playoffs, the Warriors signed Andre Iguodala, and if we do bad enough, we'll get Jadeveon Clowney." San Diego Chargers "Now that Norv Turner is gone, I wouldn't be surprised if we win every single game. Or maybe just the usual eight." NFC West Arizona Cardinals "Carson Palmer just needs to be halfway decent. Just throw it anywhere near Larry Fitzgerald and I'll be happy. And can we talk about how the Honey Badger was the steal of the draft?" San Francisco 49ers "Just think of how good we'll be with Kaepernick playing for the full year. I can't wait to see him and Anquan Boldin together." Seattle Seahawks "With our defense, Russell Wilson doesn't even need to be good for us to win. But he is. I really, really like him. I'm telling you, Russell Wilson will be the best one from that group." St. Louis Rams "Tavon Austin is about to tear it up this season. I'm drafting him in my fantasy league."