Rockies Coach Teaches Young Phillies Fan All The Rules Of Life

“Don’t be peeing on the toilet seat, you understand?”

Rene Lachemann is the first base coach for the Colorado Rockies. Apparently every game, he picks out a young fan, gives him a ball, and then delivers some sort of message. On Wednesday, when the Rockies were playing the Phillies, that message was about life, and doing what you’re told. Here’s how it played out:

Hey, don’t you be lying to me, you understand?
You live with your mother and father?
When your dad say take the trash out, you take it out.
When your mother tells you to clean your room up, you clean it up.

You go to the bathroom, you lift the toilet seat up.
Don’t be peeing on the toilet seat, you understand?
Ya got a cellphone? Don’t get one, cause ya cancer.

You play video games? (yeah)
Don’t do that either.
You’ll be a dummy like the rest of these idiots out here, it’s all they do is play video games.

You come home from school, the first thing you do is your homework, you understand that? (Yep)
You eat your dinner, you eat up all your vegetables, okay?

You gotta brother and sister? (Yep)
Don’t be fighting with ‘em, all right?
Okay, you go ahead and sit on down cuz you’re gonna watch the Rockies come back and whip up on these Phillies.
See ya later, buddy.

I honestly don’t know how I feel about this. It’s like a weird version of the scared straight program. Solid advice, though.

8. Watch the video here:

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