I've Never Seen Game Of Thrones But Here's My Recap Of The Episode Based Off Twitter

Hi! I’m Tori. I have never seen an episode of Game of Thrones for two reasons: 1. I’m too #broke for an HBO account. 2. A show about rape, dragons, and fighting families sounds super uninteresting.

Every Sunday from 9-10, my Twitter timeline is flooded with people live tweeting the episodes and sharing memes about the plot. Every week, I get more and more confused by the plot, but at the same time, feel like I could recap it extraordinarily well simply based off Twitter.

I mostly used Tweets from the people I follow, but for a little extra background information I also searched through the hashtag #ThronesYall

PLEASE DON’T TELL ME IF I’M WRONG I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE IN IGNORANT BLISS.

Let me start by recapping what happened last Sunday, and the entire series up until this point. Basically, everyone was upset because instead of an hour of the show they only got 46 minutes. (Which is what happens when you privatize TV like on HBO.) Anyway, last week’s episode from August 6th was pretty intense according to Twitter.

So there are some families and they are fighting.

One of them is the Dothraki family, one of them is not the Dothraki family (the Lannister family), and one of them has Jon Snow Winter is coming? They’re fighting over a throne but I’m not sure why. Maybe it has powers, or gives the owner of the throne the power over the land? Seems dumb because they could just kill the owner then and go back and forth forever. ANYWAY.

There’s a teenage girl in one of these families, I think she’s a Dothraki, but everyone has underestimated her powers and then she released this giant dragon on the Lannister family and they all burned alive, and then a horse’s leg got cut off and everyone was left with many feelings.

All of that brings us to the August 13 episode. So there are a couple of things here that you need to know.

First, there’s someone on this show named Little Fingers. Which is a hilarious name, and I’m not sure why he hasn’t been killed yet. IDK. Then apparently someone’s dad is a dragon??? WTF is this show even about honestly.

This episode starts off with people going beyond the wall. Which I think is like Trump’s fiction border wall, only much more dangerous because the problems on the other side of this wall are like being burned alive by dragons and dying of hypothermia because I think winter is here.

So then there’s a character named Gilly who learns how to read and then reads this teeny tiny scroll that does something important but nobody knows what it says because it’s too small to read on TV. But even though she read the scroll, nobody listens to her.

Then we figure out that Jon’s dad is a dragon, and he has a higher stake on the throne. I thought the point of the throne was to fight over it? I’m confused. Anyway, Dany is upset because he wants the throne, obviously. So he runs after Jon.

Then it turns out that Jon Snow is all of this. I don’t even know what 99.9% of this stuff is, because I thought he was in a Dothraki family which now I’m not even sure if that’s a real family or just something made up.

After it turns out that Winter is here and Jon Snow is the owner of the throne, Dany goes cray-cray and also is a king. Maybe he was always a king and that’s why he thought he had a good chance at owning the throne?

So then they decide that they all have to fight against Dany and Game of Thrones, violent TV show that has characters who are so heartless they will kill everyone with fire and like hunt people for fun, show better leadership and unity than the American government and decide to gang up on Dany and fight against the common enemy.

I think that’s where this episode ends. Kewl.