13 Reasons Why It’s Finally The Oregon Ducks’ Year

If anyone is going to ruin Alabama’s reign it’s these well-dressed speedsters.

1. Mark Helfrich replacing Chip Kelly.

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Chip Kelly was 46-7 as head coach of the Oregon Ducks. So you’re probably wondering, “How on Earth can his leaving be a good thing?” Well, Kelly’s departure for the NFL has been hanging over Oregon for the past three seasons. The hiring of Helfrich — the offensive coordinator under Kelly — gives the program more stability for recruiting without changing the offense at all. The Ducks will be just as fast as always if not faster, and they will be under less scrutiny with Helfrich at the helm.

2. They have the most electric player in college football.

De’Anthony Thomas is now the featured running back for the Ducks and that should scare every single one of their opponents. His elite speed — 4.38 in the 40 — and elusiveness makes him a threat to score every time he touches the ball. The terrifying part is he’s also an excellent pass catcher. People say “speed kills”; Oregon’s speed embarrasses.

3. They’ve finally developed helmets designed to blind opponents.

Seriously, how are these legal?

4. They only have one loseable game on the schedule.

Look at this schedule! With the exception of the Stanford game and MAYBE the UCLA game and POSSIBLY the Washington game, they should blow out these teams.

5. This practice facility bestowed from God will keep them laser-focused.


This is the most beautiful facility in the country. People wonder what makes 5-star recruits line up at the Ducks’ door. Well….

And by “God” I mean “generous alumni,” and by “generous alumni” I mean “Phil Knight.”


This is all for 18- to 22-year-olds!!!!

6. They have been “oh so close” way too many times.

Remember this run? If Michael Dyer is ruled down or the Ducks play to the whistle there’s a chance the Ducks beat Auburn and ruin Cam Newton’s storybook season.

7. And the Duck isn’t gonna let that bullshit happen again.

You don’t want to get on his fowl side.

8. They’re being completely overlooked.

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All of the focus and attention is on Alabama, Johnny Manziel and Ohio State. Not many people are talking about Oregon. Less attention means less pressure.

9. My source in Eugene says they have developed a dope camouflage uniform for the Stanford game..

Ssssshhhh… it’s a secret.

10. They have the best home field advantage in college football.

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Expect to lose at Autzen Statium. It’s not the biggest stadium in the country, but it’s certainly the loudest. I know the Ducks’ toughest game is on the road against Stanford, but Palo Alto is the least intimidating place to play in the Pac-12.

11. Their defense rarely gets any credit; however, they lead the nation in INTS last year.

No one ever wants to give the Oregon D any credit, but they’re consistently one of the most underrated defenses in the NCAA. The ENTIRE secondary returns this season — the same one that helped lead the nation in picks last year.

12. They have the only person in college football capable of beating Johnny Manziel at his own game.

Marcus Mariota is considered by some to be the best quarterback to lead the Ducks’ spread offense — better than Dennis Dixon, Darron Thomas and Jeremiah Masoli. Coach Helfrich has claimed that he wouldn’t trade Mariota for the world — even Johnny Football.

13. They have the most distracting cheerleaders in college football.

The not-so-secret weapon that never fails.

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