1. The top criteria for friendship is vicinity.
2. Keeping your bath products in the shower is a privilege, not a right.
3. No matter what you need, the Internet has the answer.
4. Laundry is the Eighth Circle of Hell.
5. You won't realize your actual thesis statement until you start writing the conclusion paragraph.
6. The later you eat something, the less its calories count.
7. Using hot sauce basically gives you a minor in culinary arts.
8. Theme parties may come and go, but the glory of a good costume is forever.
9. If it exists, it can be worn as a hat.
10. Dance like everyone's watching, because they are.
11. Talk to your family a lot...
By "family," we mean "dog."