The wedding tradition of a bride and groom lovingly smushing cake frosting on each other's noses originated from Ancient Roman weddings where "Barley cakes were crumbled over the bride's head for good luck."
Now, in 2023, the tradition has spiraled into borderline assault, as TikTok videos of grooms throwing entire cakes at their brides and ruining their weddings are trending. Online users have even identified wedding cake throwing as an indicator that a marriage likely won't survive.
And that is exactly the case when it comes to this story told by a woman, u/Mindless-Charge-5996, who sought advice from strangers in the Am I The Asshole Subreddit about her recent decision to end her marriage after her husband smashed cake in her face at their wedding after she explicitly told him not to.
Here's the story in u/Mindless-Charge-5996 own words:
"I, 27, and my husband, 29, have been together for three years. In those three years, I have never known him to be selfish, occasionally immature, yes, but even that was rare. These problems arose when those stupid cake smashing videos got popular and my husband thought they were hilarious."
"I've never thought they were funny and he knows that, yet he was always showing me the videos of those poor wives getting the happiest day of their life ruined by their asshole partner for some cheap laughs. He also knows I have a history with cake smashing."
"My family does the cake smashing thing. I remember it was my 17th birthday and I pleaded with my mom to not do it. She promised and I trusted her. I had my hair and makeup done up all nice and right as I blew out my candles, my mom pushed my head into the cake and one of the decorations on the cake ended up slicing my forehead. Not enough to go to the hospital, but enough for some substantial bleeding. My birthday was ruined and after I wouldn't come out my room. My mom still calls me a brat for that."
"Now, skip to a few days ago when my wedding happened. Everything was perfect, I was happy, he was happy. I was excited for our new lives as newlyweds. I felt like a princess in my poofy white dress and done up hair with perfect make-up. All very expensive things I would like to mention. We get to the cake cutting part and as I turn to him, he scoops up a huge chunk of our wedding cake and smashes it all over my face."
"Then I just start walking away, he realizes that I'm leaving and tries to catch up with me and says I'm being 'extra.' I push him away and order an Uber. As I got outside, most of the crowd is following me telling me to come back. I get into the Uber and drive away."
"My husband has been calling me off the hook telling me to please come home and that he wants to talk. That he's sorry and didn't think I'd get that 'emotional.' This was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives and he embarrassed me in front of everyone for some prank that he knew I hated."
"Not only that, he ruined a $500 dollar cake. He ruined my makeup, my hair and the top of my dress. The cake got all over. Though, I still do love him and I'm wondering If I really was too hard on him, that seems to be everyone else's opinion. So am I the asshole?"
After reading through this post, several users agreed that the woman was absolutely not the asshole and was right to leave a relationship where she was clearly not respected.
"It's not really about the cake. It's about mutual respect. He didn't respect her wishes. He thought his opinion was all that mattered. The cake smashing thing works if both partners know that the other person will be okay with it. It obviously doesn't work if either of them is not okay with it. And it's rightfully relationship-ending if one partner knows that the other is not okay with it and does it anyways."
—TheGoodOldCoder
Emphasizing that point, another user argued that the incident was a blessing in disguise:
"The cake was inadvertently a 'gift' given it got her away from this abusive monster."
—istara
Other users pointed out that u/Mindless-Charge-5996's mistreatment by her family during childhood played a big part in her inability to spot red flags in her relationship.
"The stuff from her mom is so illuminating. No wonder she didn’t see the red flags on this guy, she’s been living with red flags her whole life."
And finally, u/riali29 pointed out that the smashed cake tradition can be a strong indicator of a toxic relationship, writing: "Yeah, I saw a wedding photographer's TikTok video where they said that couples where one smashed cake on their spouse's face without previously agreeing on it almost all got divorced within a couple of years."
