8 Reasons Why You're A Social Food Assassin

With the recent announcement of Season 9 of Curb Your Enthusiasm and much discussion about Heinz Ketchup trying to shame Chicago into changing their hot dog etiquette--there are a number of reasons why some of your behavior will turn heads, receive looks of bewilderment, and ultimately result in you questioning every decision you've ever made in your entire life.

1. Ketchup on your hot dog

medium.com / Via nbcchicago.com

Because I have taste buds, an ounce of pride, and will be the social hero nobody wants, I put everything on my hot dog. This includes Ketchup, Mustard, Relish, and if I'm feeling froggy I might mix it up and put onions and peppers like it ain't no thang. I might not be allowed to eat a hot dog in Chicago ever again, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

2. Bananas Penut Butter & Bacon

tastemade.com / Via taste.com.au

This doesn't make you as much as a monster as the undoubtable social stigma of the ketchup hot dog combination, yet it still gets you strange looks. Why would anybody have the audacity to mess with the iconic PB & J? Swapping the Jelly completely and adding bananas and bacon. Not opposed to the idea, but not choosing it over one of the greatest sandwich combinations in history.

3. Swedes put Bananas on their Hawaiian Pizza

Via buzzfeed.com

In the least surprising news on the planet Earth, I am a Hawaiian Pizza guy. And if Bananas were added I wouldn't bat an eye. Those who don't like Hawaiian Pizza only don't because they are afraid of being shamed off the planet.

4. French Fries in your Frosty

annoyingrambles.wordpress.com / Via rd.com

This is a right of passage for any Wendy's consumer. I am surprised that more people think less of me as a human for doing so. Well...

5. Eating the whole Kit-Kat like a savage

ebaumsworld.com / Via ebaumsworld.com

This is a make or break moment. There are two types of people in this world 1. Those who eat the whole Kit-Kat and don't have any concern for civilized onlookers 2. Society

6. Mayo on French Fries

Via huffingtonpost.com

The Belgians, French, and Germans put Mayo on French Fries. Mayo and I have a strange relationship. I have to close my eyes when spreading mayo across my bread for my BLT or else I will gag like Josh from Big trying Caviar for the first time. Putting it on French Fries? Veteran Social Food Assassin move indeed.

7. Dipping pickles in Orange Juice

Michelle Persad / Via huffingtonpost.com

Apparently this is a thing and because this is a judgement free zone here, I can't shame a combination I never tried before. It doesn't seem too bad actually. I just want to know how we got to the point where this combination became welcomed.

8. Mashed Potatoes & Chocolate Chips

Via bostonburgerco.com

The only reason why I believe this is acceptable is because my spidey-senses are telling me this is an old recipe from someone's grandma. As much of a Social Food Assassin as I am, I don't know if I'm going to go this far in the public eye.