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Posted on Nov 15, 2013

The Official Guide To Sleeping Like A Cat

Cats are the undisputed champions of slumber. Time to up your game by studying their techniques.

Cats sleep, on average, 15 hours per day. That's a lot of sleep.

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It's also a lot of opportunity to perfect the art of sleeping. And perfect it, these cats have. This is your guide to emulating the most complicated techniques of the feline sleeping experts.

1. The Ostrich

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Difficulty level: 3

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Simply shove one's face into a convenient surface.

Any surface will do, though great care must be taken to ensure that the practitioner is able to breathe whilst in repose.

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Employing props such as a human shoe provides a support for the head as well as an accentuation of hidden-face positioning. This is the most advanced formation of The Ostrich.

2. The Container

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Difficulty level: 4

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Find a container and fit your body within its confines. Great care should be taken to ensure the apparatus's size and safety. Sinks are always strongly encouraged.

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The more compact the space, the better.

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A fluffy flourish of the tail works great as a creative accent on the linearity of the position.

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Bonus points for obstructing another's ability to get work done.

3. The Group Piece

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Difficulty level: 6

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Coordination is essential in achieving group sleep.

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Spooning is always a safe bet when attempting a duet.

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Great care should be taken to confuse onlookers as to which limb belongs to which animal.

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Totems and Swirls (pictured below, left to right) are classic formations for the collaborative sleeper.

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Inter-species sleeping is sometimes a challenge, but is exceptionally adorable, especially when involving young humans.

4. The Daredevil

Difficulty level: 8.5

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Find a surface upon which you can fall asleep, taking care to dangle one portion of your body off of said surface.

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A delicate balance is required to maintain this positioning and avoid falling on one's face.

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And remember: never shy away from draping oneself across a screen needed for work to be done.

5. The Contortionist

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Difficulty level: 8

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Find a space and fit one's body into said space, regardless of size or shape.

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If the space is wide open and only has a table leg to get in your way, tuck said table leg under your chin to ensure a ridiculous posture.

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Safety bars are a wonderful resource to use for positioning.

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Limbs may be employed to accentuate even the smallest of space irregularities. This is the sign of a truly proficient contortionist.

6. The Sleeping Face

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Difficulty level: 10

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Essential to any good slumber, the sleeping face is characterized by a visible tongue and smooshed expression.

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Eyes may be open or closed, but sleeping with one's eyes open is unanimously considered the most hilariously terrifying way to sleep.

7. The Doormat

Difficulty level: 10

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Arguably the boldest of sleeping positions, The Doormat is impressive for its display of belly fuzz as well as the cavalier attitude required for such a sprawl in the middle of a high-traffic area.

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While vulnerable to an unsuspecting pedestrian, the Doormat cat is also at a supreme advantage for latching onto passersby's ankles and the like. Only for the most skilled sleeper.

And so, with this new-found knowledge may you go into the world and sleep better than ever before!

Find yourself a good spot to splay out (or curl up) and do your best. No pressure or anything, but this guy will be watching you.

SWEET DREAMS!

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