Oh hey there, citizen of planet Earth. What are you up to? Thinking about something other than armadillos? Time to fix that immediately.
Because armadillos? Yeah, they're the fucking shit.
1. OK so first we need to talk about how cute this baby is. See that thing? Adorable.
2. And next, let's talk about how nine-banded armadillos have IDENTICAL QUADRUPLETS every time they reproduce.
3. Oh, and armadillos can delay their pregnancy. That's right... they can mate and then decide that they're too stressed out to get pregnant, and voila, not pregnant yet! They can put the whole thing on hold for up to two years.
4. Armadillos don't have a lot of body fat, so they're pretty much the runway models of nature.
5. And their low body temperature paired with a weak immune system makes them perfect candidates for medical research. A portion of the population even has leprosy and is generous enough to share it with humans!
6. Also, they're super talented. The screaming hairy armadillo has a song only the gods could imitate.
7. American Idol contestants got nothing on these lil' screamers.
8. And who wouldn't want to cuddle up with one of these guys?
9. Oh, also, when armadillos aren't being the ideal cuddle partners, they're super impressive athletes. Just look at this guy swim!
10. They're also really good at climbing, and have been known to scale fences.
11. AND they can run! See? This guy is so overcome by the majesty of the armadillo he's desperately trying to catch it.
12. And this cute little guy wants you to know that "armadillo" in Spanish means "little armored one."
13. In fact, the three-banded armadillos have the ability to roll up into a ball.
14. The nine-banded armadillo has the very distinct (and entirely appropriate) honor of being the state small mammal of Texas!
15. And when they're not busy being symbols of greatness, they're LEAPING MAJESTICALLY THROUGH THE AIR.
16. Also, the nine-banded armadillo is SO awesome (and reliant on warm weather) that the population is SPREADING NORTHWARD.
17. And this little guy is trundling through the grass to show off how CUTE HIS LIL EARS ARE. Just look at them!
Now that you know, it's time. Time for you to go forth into this world and spread the word about armadillos. Teach the world about their cuteness, their talents, their melodic singing!
Because honestly, what else would you be doing with your life? There's nothing better than this.