"Are You Wearing This To Impress A Boy?"

“Slut,” “easy,” and “attention whore” were words embedded into my mind when I looked in the mirror and saw the reflection of my own naked body. Growing up, my parents would make me change if they believed my outfits revealed too much skin. Considering that my parents always meant well, I did what I was told without question and changed my attire to their liking. My parents’ protection over my body extended to shoes. My mom wouldn’t buy me a pair of high heels because she claimed that when I tried them on, I looked like a prostitute. I attended a Catholic-all-girls high school, and, on days we didn’t have to wear uniform and had “free dress,” girls weren’t allowed to wear yoga pants or shorts. For dances, girls had the option for the dean to approve their dresses to avoid receiving an infraction if the dresses were too short. I once showed my friend a deep plunge black dress I intended to wear for my senior homecoming and she repulsively responded with, “Are you wearing this to impress a boy?”. My experiences from my youth interfered with my understanding of sexuality because I felt like my self-worth depended on the physical attributes of my body. Although I would try not to dignify my parents’ or my friend’s reactions to my body, their words affected the way I perceived myself. I lost autonomy over my body when I began to perform a role that society has constructed for women. If I wore an outfit that showed too much skin, I automatically assumed I would be disparaged for displaying my sexuality because society would perceive me to be an attention seeker or slut. I hesitated posting pictures that revealed cleavage because I didn’t want to be labeled as easy. Society hindered my perception of sexuality because I participated in a social order. Sexuality is socially constructed and performative in terms of duality: women expected to be dainty, but sexually available. Society has insinuated that a woman should be smart, but not too smart. A woman should be domestic and strive for the occupation of being a wife and a mother. Although men have faced discrimination and stereotypes as well, why hasn’t society cultivated a narrative for men equivalent to society’s implications of women? Why aren’t men taught the same way? If a man has meaningless and casual sex, he is praised and celebrated. If a woman does the exact same, she is identified as whorish, promiscuous, or vulgar. What if I did wear my senior homecoming dress for the attention of some boy? In terms of society, would that mean I am less intellectual? Is it only a man’s right to be sexual? The narrative is that men’s actions aren’t ridiculed in a way women’s actions to be. The ignorance and superficiality that society has mandated throughout society implies that it is impossible for a woman to be intelligent, desirable, and confident because that would give her too much autonomy. Model, actress, and activist Emily Ratajkowski shared her insight on the politics of a woman being sexual and serious in her essay for Glamour. She writes, “It’s absurd to think that desire for attention doesn’t drive both women and men. Why are women scrutinized for it more, then? And if a woman dresses up because she does want attention, male or otherwise, does that make her guilty of something? Or less “serious”? Our society doesn’t question men’s motivations for taking their shirt off, or shaving, or talking about politics—nor should it. Wanting attention is genderless. It’s human.” Ratajkowski implies that attention is inherently found in both men and women; yet, why are women’s bodies and actions denigrated more frequently than men? Society exemplifies a woman’s body to be a temple that needs to be worshiped; a temple where seeking recognition is intolerable. The insinuation is that only men can own their sexuality. Change does not occur when women wear more layers. Change begins when society no longer feels threatened by a woman who is empowered by her sexuality. The moment I realized high heels, deep plunge black dresses, or my cleavage doesn’t diminish my self-worth, is the exact moment when “slut” no longer became an initial response to my naked self. I began to embrace my sexuality when I considered the naked body to be empowering and should be celebrated in terms of vulnerability. Despite physical features, nudity should be about exposing oneself to autonomy. Opponents would have a difficult time reconciling nudity with femininity because of the unwanted narrative society has created for women; however, it is possible for a woman to seek recognition and have autonomy over her body. Being autonomous means abandoning a role that society has created for women, and reconstructing a narrative where it’s possible to be desirable and intelligent and confident.