There are plenty of reasons why someone might wait to have sex until marriage, though that doesn't change the potential pressure that you might feel the night of.
Recently, Reddit user u/hey_its_me997 asked, "Redditors who waited until marriage to have sex, what was your wedding night like?" Here are a few stories from people sharing what their first time was like:
1. "Humorous. We bought way too many contraceptives thinking we'd have sex every hour, if not more, and would need it all. Six months later, we still had a lot of it. We seriously cleaned out two or three gas stations of condoms in San Diego. We had no fucking clue. It turns out, you don't need a few hundred condoms for a two-week honeymoon."
2. "It was really good. He was pretty nervous, so I asked if he wanted to shower with me. It was a good warm-up that got him to relax and let us both freshen up. After that, we had a really good time."
3. "I had had surgery three weeks prior to our wedding to remove a testicle (testicular cancer) and was also in my first week of chemo to wipe out the rest of the cancer. We made an effort to have sex after the longest day of my life (I could barely stand during the wedding ceremony). I ended up busting a stitch near my crotch and bleeding everywhere. 7/10 though, would bust the stitch again. I'm nine years cancer-free now, and two kids to boot. Yay."
4. "We left the wedding at 10 p.m. and had to drive three hours to get to a hotel near the airport we are leaving from the next morning. We were going to wake up around 5 a.m. I was hoping we could do it but was expecting to wait until after we arrived at our honeymoon destination. But we went back to the hotel that we stayed at near our venue to change before our three-hour car ride. One of my friends had done it up with flower petals, snacks, scented candles, and some helpful things for sex (different lubes, wipes, etc.). She walked into the bathroom to 'change' but walked out completely naked, and we got busy. It was a little awkward, a little scary, but very exciting and fun! Neither one of us finished because we were rushing to catch our ride. Considering I was expecting not to do anything, it was a wonderful and fun experience. I’m very glad we waited and are getting to figure all this out together."
5. "I waited, as did my ex-wife, and it was a disaster. It was no fun for either of us. We divorced nine years later, and sex was a part of it, mainly that I turned out to have the opposite parts to her preference. I was raised Christian and left the church and faith shortly after getting married the first time. I've been remarried for eight years now with two little ones, and I will firmly be encouraging my boys to have healthy, respectful, and honoring sexual relationships BEFORE THEY GO AND GET FUCKING MARRIED!"
6. "It was awesome. Our Airbnb had a two-person tub. All we did was cuddle nude, have sex, relax in the tub, and eat for five days straight. I think we put clothes on once to go to a local pizza joint, but we packed in most of our food."
7. "It turned out that I have vulvar vestibulitis (and secondary vaginismus) and can't have penetrative sex without extreme pain. Even the first time I remember thinking, 'This can't be normal; he can hardly even get inside me. No one would ever try this again if it were always this horrific.' He, having plenty of experience eight inches deep in plenty of lady bits, was also baffled. Luckily, I found myself an awesome husband who is completely supportive and very good with his fingers, and I've got two other entry points that get lots of attention!"
8. "We were both virgins, and knew that we were both absolutely clueless beyond the 'What goes into which hole' part. We knew not to take ourselves too seriously and were okay with our ignorance, knowing we’d figure things out along the way together. Afterward, the conversation went: 'Was that good for you?' 'Yeah! What about you?' 'Yeah, that was good for me, too.' Then, after an extended pause, 'Did we even have sex?!' followed by laughter. We’ve been together 20 years now, and we’ve gotten much better together."
9. "Not great, to be honest. I had some experience beforehand, but my wife didn't. My wife was really, really nervous because a friend got it in her head that it would be painful. After a very long day, we got to the hotel, and after a fair bit of foreplay and trying, the power went out. We decided to call it a night. The following months were filled with a lot of crying and it's ok's. She was just too tense and stressed to let me get in there for a good four months. We tried regularly, and when it didn't happen, we used other means to make things pleasurable. Eventually, it happened, and we both really enjoy it."
10. "Thankfully, we went into things with extremely realistic expectations. It hurt me like a bitch. Basically, as soon as he was partway in, I yelled, 'DON’T MOVE.' He laid still on top of me, terrified until things came to their logical conclusion. The best part was that my vagina was wrecked for the next two weeks but somehow had amnesia. Basically, I’d ask him (excitedly) if he wanted to try again, it would hurt like a bitch, lather, rinse, repeat. Finally, we took a break after a few weeks, and I’m happy to report that things are quite satisfying for us in the bedroom now. We've been married and discovering bedroom things together for 12 years this June."
11. "It didn't go well, as it was too painful for her. It was maybe six to eight weeks before we successfully had sex and rarely after that. I don't recommend waiting until after the wedding to discover sex is painful for one of the parties."
12. "A friend of mine from school waited until the wedding night. He was a virgin, and I believe she was, too. No birth control used by her so he, being a responsible guy, used a condom. Shortly after starting, he started experiencing some discomfort, a persistent burning and tingling that crescendoed in intensity. He stopped and removed the condom and noticed some severe reddening and swelling in his nethers. A short time later, he was in the ER getting IV steroids and Benadryl with his brand new bride at his side. That was how he found out he has a latex allergy."
13. "It turned out he had erectile dysfunction, and that was probably one of the reasons he insisted on waiting until marriage."
14. "The experience was great for both of us since I made sure she came first, but I was not great at it for sure. Once I was in, it was like 30 seconds. It got a lot better on the honeymoon for both of us and is still getting better two years in."
15. "It really was the worst sex of our marriage. It was so bad that I had to consult a book on sex mid-act to see what was wrong. We had engaged in plenty of sexual play before marriage like oral and dry humping, and it's like we completely forgot that what made that stuff fun was the slow build-up. We tried to take it slow, have a shower together, relax a bit, but the expectation to have sex on our wedding night combined with being exhausted from a massive day meant that neither of us was in the right headspace for good sex. I would not recommend waiting. It was the greatest anticlimax of my life. If you want to have sex with your partner, just have sex when the moment feels right, and if you do want to wait, don't bring all that expectation into your wedding night."
16. "The day before we got married, he smashed his face on a trampoline and had to get stitches. The morning of the wedding, I got my period. The night of the wedding, our first night together, we just got in bed and held hands and fell asleep."
17. "Horrible. We were completely unprepared, and the pressure to actually do it on the wedding night was also there. Trust me, the wedding night will be more magical if you know what you are doing. It took us about two to three months to actually work things out and come to an enjoyable level for both of us. It might be different for other people."
18. "We were both exhausted after the reception and agreed it would be better to wait. The next day, at our hotel, we started to go at it when someone from the hotel knocked on the door. We didn’t put the do not disturb sign up, so he started to come in. I jumped up, threw on a robe, and intercepted him at the door. He handed me a giant fruit basket that my parents had sent us. So, our first time was interrupted by my parents."
If you waited to have sex until marriage and want to share your experience, tell me about it in the comments.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.