Deciding to get a divorce is an enormous decision to make, but sometimes it can feel as if life is making the decision for you. Recently, we shared stories about how married people realized that it was time for them to divorce their partner. Here are a few more stories from Reddit, plus some from the BuzzFeed Community:
1. "I knew it was the end when I felt more like his business partner than his wife. He wanted someone to entertain his clients and colleagues, and I played the part well, in the beginning. I walked when I discovered he wanted to play around too, but with other women. I guess he didn’t want to mix business with pleasure. It turns out he’s a much better ex than husband, and a surprisingly good dad to our kids."
2. "I knew when he inherited a house and gave it to his son (my stepson) without even mentioning it to me. I overheard it when he was on the phone with his ex-wife."
3. "I realized when I didn’t even care to argue about the things that bothered me. He thought the lack of arguments was a positive sign; I saw it as a sign of giving up."
4. "I knew my then-husband was the wrong person when I found out he had been cheating. I entertained the idea of staying if he cut contact with the woman he was cheating with, but he didn't want to do that, so I left. He bought out my half of all the stuff he was keeping; I paid him half of all the things I was taking. I kept the dog because I had him before we got together, and he kept the cat (a decision I regret, having seen the state of my cat about a year after this all happened) because the cat liked him more."
5. "I had a panic attack at the thought of being trapped with him forever. I think we both knew it wasn’t right but felt obliged to continue. He now has the family he wanted. I'm free."
6. "On our first-year anniversary, we went to Egypt and Turkey for a two-week vacation. I did all the research and made all arrangements and bookings. On our way to Aswan from Cairo (a 14-hour trip), we were in a sleeper car, which cost $60 per person. From Aswan to Luxor, we sat in the first-class seats, which were really nice, but the ride was only three hours. He insisted we book first-class seats for the overnight trip back to Cairo, which cost $40. I insisted that we book the sleeper again because a $20 saving was not enough for the misery of not having a bed for the night. He kept insisting and gaslighted me into thinking I was a pampered prima donna. Fine! We booked first-class seats. Guess what?"
7. "Life didn’t go how he wanted it to. Over time, I noticed a pattern of him complaining about something, getting a thing (or things) to stop the complaining, and within days starting to complain about the new thing (or things). About four years ago I asked him, 'Are you truly ever happy with anything?' His honest answer was simply, 'No,' which unconsciously included me. I stuck it out for a total of 15 years, and we’re separated now because the state we live in requires living separately for a year and a day before filing for divorce."
8. "When he complained about the cost of gas to drive our 4-year-old daughter to speech therapy."
9. "I knew it was over when I had a panic attack for the first time in a decade. It was away from home, which was a big fear of mine at the time, and in front of his father, whom I had just met that weekend. I was throwing up everywhere at this rest stop in the middle of nowhere and crying that I wanted to go home. His solution? To leave me there for three-plus hours at the diner while he continued to drive his dad to the airport because apparently, his father was incapable of getting a rental car and driving up a single freeway the rest of the way or taking a bus. Another solution would have been for him to leave me at a hotel or the hospital. It was all just dumping me somewhere, and I knew then and there that he wouldn’t be someone I could ever rely on or depend on."
10. "My now-ex-husband didn't dance with me at our wedding, so that was a good indication."
11. "As I drove up our street after work and I saw his truck already home, my heart sank. It was like going from the 'light' to the 'dark.' I moved out four months later."
12. "I sort of knew before I got married — like, legit wanted to run away from the wedding — but (wrongly) thought I would be letting my parents down because of all the money. Trust that they’ve shelled out FAR more for the subsequent divorce. But I knew for SURE when my son was in the NICU and my husband was chatting with people on a dating site."
13. "When I was seriously struggling with my mental health, and a doctor suggested therapy and medication to help me get back on track. My husband forbade me from seeing that doctor again and said, 'No therapy because then you’ll see the light and leave me.' It took a few more weeks of horrible treatment and situations, but I did pack up the kids and leave. The therapy came later, and we are all so much better for it."
14. "I asked for a divorce when I realized that I was angry all the time. There were a million reasons, not all his fault and not all mine, but anger that just twisted my stomach. We’re still good friends, and he’s my favorite ex."
15. "Honestly, I realized three months after we got married. Then I stuck it out for another 12 years and put myself and my three kids through hell. I wish I had been strong enough to leave back in the beginning."
16. "We were both 21 when we got married (I’m about to turn 25 now), and we are currently going through a divorce. I actually tried to postpone the wedding because my dad was so against it (and because I had reservations of my own), but she wanted to keep the date set to what it was. We had so many problems. I knew I made a mistake when, the night before the wedding, instead of helping me with all the cooking or anything else, for that matter, or just spending some time with me, she would rather get drunk with her stepmom. After the ceremony, I texted a friend of mine saying that I thought I'd made a mistake. His response was, 'You made your bed; now you gotta lay in it.'"
17. "I was married a few years before we went on holiday, and I was very ill. The twins had been ill beforehand, so it wasn't exactly out of the blue. My husband just went on with his holiday and left me in a half-built Greek hotel and had his holiday while I had a fever off the chart. When I was well enough to realize I was ill, I asked to go home. He was shocked because we'd paid for this holiday. I didn't divorce him for many years, but I despised him from that moment."
18. "When I noticed that I was crying a lot and we didn't talk much. I didn't do anything because I was in denial."
If you've ended a marriage, when did you realize that it was time to go? Tell me in the comments.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.