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People Are Sharing The Dumbest Thing They've Ever Heard Someone Say, And I Cannot Stop Laughing

"When my daughter was about 20, she told me her iPhone was almost full, and she could tell because it felt heavier."

Listen, knock-knock jokes and stand-up comedy are all well and good, but nothing is funnier than someone saying something so wrong with absolute certainty.

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Recently, Reddit user u/Xlh883dragster asked, "What’s something you’ve heard someone say that was so incredibly, mind-numbingly stupid that you’ll remember it the rest of your life?" Here are a few stories about people whose cluelessness had me absolutely floored:

1. "A flight was delayed due to snow on the runway, and a woman complained, saying, 'Damn it, this happens every year. Why don’t they put a roof over the runway or something?'"


2. "In like 1995, my friend once thought Aloe Vera was some European model who was hired for every cosmetic commercial because they would always say the product name and then 'with aloe vera' as they showed models in the back dancing or washing their faces or whatever. He thought that she was one of them. I believe the direct quote was something to the effect of, 'It’s crazy how she gets hired for literally every single commercial.'"


3. "My coworker couldn’t figure out why Alaska was cold and Hawaii was hot because 'they’re next to each other on the map.'"

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4. "Once when I took a class trip to Washington, DC, we went to a museum and saw a reenactment of something featuring George Washington on a big screen. While we were watching it, I heard two girls from the front row. One of them asked the other, 'Is this real footage?' And the other then replied, 'No, if it was real, it would be in black and white.'"


5. "A guy I knew thought that bones were made of wood."


6. "I was in a sex-ed class in college and we were discussing the anatomical features that a vulva possesses, including the location of the clitoris and how it is on the outside of the body, pretty close to the opening of the vagina. A girl stopped the class to inform us that that was incorrect and the clitoris was actually behind the belly button. I can still hear her. 'It’s behind the belly button. Behind the belly button. Behind the belly button! Right?'"

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7. "Up to a very late age, my sister-in-law believed that meat was taken from an animal that was released back to the paddock to regrow the missing piece. Then the cycle repeats."


8. "I had a friend of a friend in middle school completely believe and argue with me that mice ran the traffic lights. She really believed that mice went into the traffic lights and changed their color; that's why you always saw mice around busy roads. And when I say 'middle school,' I mean eighth grade, 13 to 14 years old. She didn't have the best upbringing."


9. "The first hotel I worked at was also a new hotel, so some of us were new to the industry. A guest who was already checked in came up after his meal and asked if we had any sweets. I said 'Just mints' and brought the little bowl up onto the counter. He said, 'No, I mean suites, like large guest rooms.' I could have died."


10. "I met a nursing student who more or less believed the cure for cancer was 'pretending like you don't have cancer.'"

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11. "When I moved to Texas from Hawaii, multiple people asked me how long the drive was."


12. "A girl in my high school said that if she and her hypothetical husband had undesirable facial features that they didn’t want to pass on to a child (like a bumpy nose), one of them would just have plastic surgery before conceiving a child. I said that with her logic, if both my partner and I chopped off our index fingers, our child would be born without index fingers, but she said that wasn’t the same thing. We were 17 at the time. I still think about that, 18 years later."


13. "Someone asked me how the guy who donated his heart to me was doing."


14. "In my grade 11 law class in high school, the teacher was talking about different bills the government implemented in history, like the Bill of Rights, for example. Thirty minutes into the lesson, the girl next to me raised her hand and asked the teacher, 'Who’s this 'Bill' guy we’ve been talking about?' The whole class burst out laughing, and the teacher was struggling to keep it together as well."

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15. "When I was a kid, I had an uncle tell me that dinosaurs and humans coexisted. When I tried to explain to him that wasn’t true, he told my parents I was arguing with and being disrespectful toward an adult, and I got in big trouble."


16. "I went to a friend's house and saw his carbon monoxide detector by an open window. I asked him why it was there. He said, 'The smoke detector said 'Get to air,' so I moved it so it would stop going off!' I don’t know how that guy’s still alive."

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17. "One of my college roommates wandered in while we were watching Jaws. It’s the final 15 minutes; the shark is tearing the Orca apart. It gets to the scene where the shark heaves itself upon the stern, and the roommate says, 'It’s pretty neat how they trained that shark to do that.' Dear reader, he was serious."


18. "My daughter is very bright. She’s 32 now. When she was about 20, she told me her iPhone was almost full, and she could tell because it felt heavier."


19. "Until I was 16 years old, I thought Greenland didn't exist and it was made up by Disney or something, but thought Genovia from The Princess Diaries was a real country. Yes, we can all agree that I was terrible at geography at school."

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20. "'Are your [boy/girl] twins identical?'"


21. "My husband and I once happened to be staying at a hotel when there was a total lunar eclipse. Years later, I’m still kind of surprised that no one but us seemed to care enough to go outside and watch. Anyway, when it was almost total, a young woman walking by, stopped, and asked hesitantly, 'Is there something wrong with the moon?'"


22. "I was in a club, and they had calendars on the tables that listed all the bands and what nights they were playing. I overheard a girl say, 'That band TBA plays here a lot, don’t they?'"

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What's the most clueless thing you've ever heard someone say? Let me know in the comments!

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.