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    Women Are Sharing Examples Of Internalized Misogyny They've Seen, And I'm Definitely Guilty Of Some Of These

    "My mother loves to tell me that she doesn't have any female friends because of how catty and backstabbing women are."

    If you're a woman, experiencing misogyny is nothing new, but it might be a shock to experience it from another woman or even to recognize it within yourself.

    An electronic drawing of a group of people

    Reddit user u/ss19f recently asked, "What Internalised Misogyny have you overheard?" Here are a few examples people shared:

    1. "The one that irks me the most and continues to annoy me is the 'I'm not like other girls' trope. Sis, it literally could be you. Also, thinking that you're a better woman because you dress differently or don't have tattoos?! Girl, please — just stop it."


    2. "My aunt is always telling me that I'll change my mind about not wanting kids, but she never says that to her two childfree sons."

    A mother holds her child

    3. "Any woman calling another woman a whore or a slut. If you don’t like that woman, call her an asshole or something."


    4. "The most annoying ones I hear is when people comment on how guys won't want to date me if I'm too muscular. Honey, I deadlift because it makes me feel like a superhero. Not for guys."


    5. "I wear makeup because it makes me feel good. I get so many comments about 'Aw, are you dressing up for the boys in your lectures?' No. I’m putting on makeup for myself. Not everything we do is for men."

    A woman applying makeup

    6. "My mother loves to tell me that she doesn't have any female friends because of how catty and backstabbing women are. Also, she says that almost all the women at work (over several different jobs) hate her because they think she's gunning for their jobs/she's just so good at hers."


    7. "Older women lecturing younger women about how they should enjoy their youth/looks/weight while it lasts. We don’t need to internalize and perpetuate the idea that we have value when we are young and lose it when we age."


    8. "Women who think that other women who keep their birth surname when they get married don’t respect their spouses."


    9. "A friend of mine called her own sister a slut for having sex with her boyfriend of a year, and called girls sluts for wearing shorts in 90-plus-degree weather."


    10. "This one lady saying how she would be fine with sucky behaviors like not being listened to or taken seriously in a male-dominated workplace because she was a 'traditional submissive woman who loved dominant men.' Ma'am, you're there for a cheque."


    11. "Women in male-dominated fields who spit on other women in the field who try to stand up to harassment/discrimination. It’s utterly sad to hear them use that survival technique to convince themselves that their very bad position is good."

    people in a work meeting

    12. "I was on the bus going home after work one night at 12 a.m. because I worked at a restaurant. A guy sat down next to me, hit on me, grabbed my thigh, and ran off at his stop before I could do anything. A lady behind me asked me, 'Why did you let him do that? Why did you let him get away with that?' She continued to talk to her friend about how girls should be better at preventing stuff like that from happening. The bus ride was 30 minutes long, and she talked the entire time. I was 19 and had very little experience with men."


    13. "Women who call other women 'fake' because they got plastic surgeries yet they themselves dyed their hair. Call someone fake because of their personality, not because of their appearance."


    14. "I used to work as a technical advisor for a broadband company. I tried to explain to a woman how to find her master phone socket. She told me she'd ring back and ask a man because he would probably explain it better. Lady, if you don't know where your broadband router is connected in your own house, then a man can't help you any better."


    15. "The few times my mom ever spoke to me about sex, she told me, no kidding, that 'Men have needs,' and it’s basically the woman’s job to gratify those needs. Um, I have needs too!"


    16. "My cousin claimed that guys are 'easier to hang out with' and that female friends only cause drama and compete. I had to tell her that it depends on the women you hang around, not their gender alone. None of my friends were competitive or dramatic."

    Two women go on a walk together

    17. "I’ve heard so many people say they want sons but not daughters. The rhetoric that 'boys are easier to raise' is bullshit. People just feel less guilty about neglecting them, and people feel this incessant need to police their daughters to the point of suffocation a lot of the time."


    18. "I was guilty of this around 10 years ago. But I got extremely jealous of any other girl who got male attention. 'Oh, he's only interested in her because her boobs are huge. What else does she have that I don't?' I never said those thoughts out loud. Now here's the funny part: It turns out that I'm bisexual, so maybe it was also an attraction."


    19. "This is one I’m guilty of myself and try my best to call myself out on but I hate nonetheless. When women hear the words doctor, surgeon, dentist, teacher, etc. and automatically attach male pronouns."

    A doctor and patient look at test results

    20. "Women who immediately blame other women for their significant others' cheating. OBVIOUSLY, the other girl is promiscuous and SEDUCED her significant other and totally not the responsibility of the one in a relationship to hold up a relationship they committed to."


    21. "When I was catcalled on the street at age 13, my mother was with me. She acted like I should be flattered by the attention. The men catcalling were adult men. It kind of disturbs me to think about it. That wasn’t the only instance where her reaction to sexual harassment seemed off to me."


    22. "When women criticize celebrities for aging poorly. Like, that's gonna be you one day, and perpetuating this idea that a woman visibly aging is a tragedy is only going to lead to unhappiness in the future."


    23. "My partner and I bought a house almost four years ago. I paid the down payment. When we were moving out of our apartment, our superintendent came to check everything, and she turned to me and asked, 'Did you get to help pick out the house?' Like I should hope so lady — I’m paying for it."


    24. "'I'm a strong independent hardworking woman; I'm not gonna be those trapped women who are stay-at-home moms.' I congratulate you on your success, but being a stay-at-home mom doesn't make anyone less worthy."

    A stay at home mom holds her child while cooking

    25. "One time my sisters and I were talking about public breastfeeding and how it's completely natural and should be okay. One of my sisters said, 'Yeah, but some whore is always going to use an excuse to get her tits out.' I was so shocked and disgusted and asked her, 'When have you EVER seen a breastfeeding woman show off like that before feeding her child?' She got flustered and said something about reading it online. To be honest, I feel sorry for her."


    26. "My husband is a stay-at-home dad. I went on annual leave two years ago to help him at home after he had surgery to repair some inguinal hernias, as he wouldn’t be able to lift or care for our 1-year-old at the time. On my first day back at work after leave, one of the women said to me, 'How did it feel to be a real mom?' I was like, excuse-fucking-me?"


    27. "Looking down at sex workers for taking the 'easy' way. Sex work is work."


    28. "The internalized misogyny I’ve had is the way to manage a man’s emotions is through sex. If I don’t provide sex, I’m not being a good partner. It is my duty to look sexy and attractive for men. If a man shows me 'attention,' I should be pleasant and friendly. If I receive unwanted attention, then I should bear it at the moment and be careful not to 'tease' or lead the man on in the future. And men in authority positions should be respected at all times. My paternal parent was from the silent generation and also a wannabe cult leader and child/adult sexual abuser. So yeah, I had a lot of misogynistic views to unpack and let go of. Thankfully, I’ve found a great community of women and have an amazing counselor now."


    29. Have you ever seen someone exhibit internalized misogyny, or are you guilty of it yourself? Let me know in the comments.

    Note: Responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.