Reddit user u/tayswink recently asked, "Adults with a healthy, close relationship with your parents…what do you think fostered that in your childhood?" Here's what they had to say:
1."She's since passed, but I think one of the reasons I was close with my mom is from early childhood she validated my feelings even if she didn't understand or agree with them. She said there was nothing I couldn't say, as long as I expressed myself civil, and she backed that up by participating in many uncomfortable conversations for her with all of her kids. She listened and respected our feelings whether we were toddlers, angry teens, or adults. At the end of the day, she was the parent. I really 'hated' her for that at times, but as imperfect as she was, she got that right."
2."As they were quite fulfilled in their professions, they never tried to live through me or pushed me in a certain direction. I had the freedom to explore and experiment. At 10 I really wanted to play the cello, but after a few weeks, I grew tired of it. No problem, the cello was a rental. It got sent back and I got no, 'You're going to regret it.'"
3."My parents always planned on having kids when they got married. They didn’t know which route to take at first, so they took parenting classes, read books, went to couples counseling and the like, and also saw a few doctor(s) prior to pregnancy. They said this over and over again: 'We wanted/planned to have you and your brother.'"
5."They were always respectful of me. If I’d ask a question that, from an adult perspective, was really dumb, they’d be happy to answer and explain even though it’d inconvenience them. It made me feel respected and was a great foundation to my relationship with my parents now as an adult."
6."They always treated me (and my brother) like a PERSON that they were in charge of helping learn and grow, as opposed to treating me like a pet or punching bag or perfect little robot. If I was doing badly in school, yeah I was punished, but I was also given extra help, and asked what I needed to improve, with the promise that if I did successfully improve, the punishments would end."
7."I'm friends with my parents as an adult because they didn't try to be my friend when I was a child."
8."They spent time with me, and not in the smothering helicopter sense. My mom in particular was quite clear about not preventing us from experiencing the consequences of our stupidity but would help patch me up afterward. There were some memorable instances that involved fooling around with blackberry brambles). But they were always willing to read us a story, or take us to the beach or the park, or play with us. I have an epic collection of tiny horse models built up from that time that my mom enthusiastically supported."
9."They were prepared to be parents. Mom was 29 when she had me and my dad 31, and they each had their career occupations and a house to raise a family. They planned on having kids, never once really neglected or mistreated me, so there has never been any resentment toward them or anything like that."
10."They genuinely tried their best. It wasn't until I grew up, and had a partner, job, and bills to pay, that I realized the thinking, decisions, and sacrifices they made to give me the best go at a life they could. I recently came to the realization that a true sign of maturity is to understand the decisions of those around me, even if they don't conform to one's own beliefs and choices."
11."My parents' had the willingness to show that they're just people who don't have it all together, admit when they're wrong, and are willing to learn."
12."I'm their only child. Also, I'm 18 and I still live with them, so I am physically close to them. We don't always get along, but we trust each other and can talk about a lot of interesting things. They gave me everything I needed and we're financially stable."
13."They stressed the importance of spending quality family time together, whether winter holidays, vacations, or dinners together. They made sure we would always have presents for family members' birthdays. When we were younger, they helped us make those presents ourselves."
14."They let me and my siblings be ourselves and defended us from people who tried to shame us for our choices. When my gifted program sibling dropped out of college, they talked with him about his decision and then shielded him from the snarky comments from family members. My mom told me at 16 that I don’t have to have kids if I don’t want to and shut her own mom down when she tried to tell me I should 'at least have one or two.' My mom also told family members to piss off when my partner and I decided not to get married in a church. I can count on them to go to bat for me and my siblings, they’re proud of all of us and our very different life paths."
15."I distinctly remember one thing my mom said to me when we were having a discussion about something, and it put EVERYTHING into perspective. We were sitting on my bed, and she said, 'Hey listen, this is my first time being a parent.' I think her being real with me was a huge part of why we're so close now. We could level with each other, and it made her more human. I think I was like 12 years old when this happened. It's kind of wild to type this out and see that it was probably a lot to put on my shoulders, but it didn't feel that way at the time."
17."My parents divorced when I was very young but they were excellent co-parents. Despite their differences, they both always attended every teacher conference, sports game, piano recital, etc, and were always civil. They made it very clear that my sister and I were their priorities. They never shit-talked the other or their new spouse, either (even though as I got older I could tell they had resentments). Anyways, I grew up to respect the hell out of my parents and they are both some of my closest friends."
