Now That I'm Out Of The "New Mom" Stage, Here's What I'd Tell People Going Into It

Let's just say there are some things I wish I'd done differently.

Hey, y’all! Mary here. Proud mama of two beautifully wild and crazy girls, ages 7 and 5.

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Lately I’ve come upon the reality that I’m entering a new stage of motherhood. Long gone are the days of diapers and strollers. In my household, we are now ushering in a new era of sports gear and booster seats that can be removed and carried from my car to a friend’s car by the children themselves. Freedom, is that you?? It’s been a minute.

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Leaving behind the baby and toddler years feels both freeing and frightening. Sure, when we go to a BBQ, the kids run off for hours on end while the adults can complete full conversations; but also, what ARE the children doing?! Eek. That is a question for another time, though.

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Instead, I’m here to talk about all the things I did as a new mom that I look back on now and think, BLESS MY HEART. 😂

But first, a caveat: if your experience was like mine, cool. If not, also cool! This is a Karen-Free Zone so please know zero judgment is coming from this mama. The only person I’m laughing or rolling my eyes at here is myself.

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1. Putting shoes on a baby that can’t walk yet.

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Listen, I know. Those wittle, itty-bitty baby shoes are so stinking cute. But they just don’t stay on. And then the baby takes them off to chew on them and the next thing you know — woosh — that shoe is MIA and you’re out yet another $15 or $30.

2. Thinking you’re going to be dressing that brand spanking new baby in super-elaborate, beautiful multipiece outfits complete with lace and 10,000 buttons, only to later realize that if it’s not a zippered onesie, it’s just not happening today.

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There are, for sure, exceptions to be made here but for the most part, when faced with the fifth outfit change of the day, my babies were rocking a diaper and a T-shirt, hard stop.

3. Buying a ton of newborn-sized clothing that will only fit your child for two to four weeks max.

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As a new mom, I felt like there was nothing worse than an unworn baby outfit! If you end up having a tiny baby, you can always cuff the sleeves or go buy a few more newborn sizes. But if you’re like me and have tall babes… Well…hope you didn’t cut the tags off.

4. Always packing spare clothes for the baby — but not for yourself.

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Funny story: My sister just had her first round of stomach bug vs. 1-year-old. She ended up at the ER with him, about to be discharged, and BAM. Baby D barfs yesterday's lunch up all over her. She only had a change of clothes for him and nothing for herself! Sorry but rookie moves, sis.

5. Having 80,000 pictures of my kids as babies, but not nearly enough video footage.

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I don’t think you can ever have enough video footage of baby babbles, or toddlers chatting with that husky, raspy voice that inevitably disappears overnight. So please, switch the camera to video and let it roll.

6. Lugging ridiculous amounts of things around with you that are supposed to make your life “easier” — but instead just weigh you down.

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This is probably my most laughable parenting moment. Here’s my husband lugging a whole Pack 'n' Play onto the beach so that the baby could nap. Spoiler alert: She did not nap.

(BTW, I still have the evidence of no naps that day.)

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7. Focusing too much on what other people (or the “experts”) tell you to do.

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I have a friend who still shudders at the phrase “Eat, Play, Sleep” every time she hears it. Should, in theory, the baby eat, and then play, and then sleep on repeat those first few months? Sure. And sometimes, they do! But, and I can’t emphasize this enough, every baby is different. What worked for one person isn’t always going to work for another. Just buckle up and know that eventually you will figure it out. (And then something new and weird will happen to worry about!)

8. Not being ~extra~ enough with my second child.

Mary Hogwood

I do not regret dressing up for an ugly Christmas sweater party matching my firstborn 2-month-old baby. I *do* regret not doing it for the second.

9. Not buying maternity pants and nursing bras right away.

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It was pure vanity preventing me moving into those super-stretchy items right away. Did I think I was too cool for maternity clothes? I don’t really remember what my reasoning was but let’s just say with the second baby I was happy to bust out my Thanksgiving pants in January.

10. Making homemade baby food with all the ultra-organic, cage-free things.

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I do believe we should buy as much clean food as our budgets allow and if you like making your babies food and they eat it, bravo! My kids weren’t great eaters so spending the time and money only to end up feeding them mac 'n' cheese and hot dogs was a punch to the (stretch marks covering the) gut.

11. Waking a sleeping baby up for anything.

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Obviously, please follow your doctor’s orders on this one. If your doctor is telling you to wake your baby up to feed them, do so! But otherwise, you better leave that baby asleep! Any time I ever woke a child up to attend an event or see a visitor, it did not end well. For me.

12. Using special pacifier holders.

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Just, why? No matter what accessory you have or how much you try, that pacifier is going to end up on the floor at the exact moment your baby is screaming bloody murder with no escape path for you in sight. The first time you will panic and try to figure out a way to sanitize it before inevitably giving up and popping that plug back into said screaming baby's mouth. After that, you either become the mom who always has five pacifiers on hand or the one who picks it up off the floor, gives it a quick swipe with a baby wipe, and continues along their way. (Although, those WubbaNubs are life. IYKYK.)

13. Buying more new toys, bouncers, walkers, rockers, and swings than you could ever need.

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These items last forever yet are used for only three to six months. You think you will sell it, or give it away — but guess what? There are approximately a dozen other people in your area thinking the same thing and both the Give Away and Sell It markets are flooded. My loss is your gain so take the win!

14. You can have postpartum depression and still be high-functioning.

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I still remember thinking to myself: Baby is well cared for, I went to the gym, accomplished some work, laundry is done, house is clean, kitchen is stocked, and dinner is served. Boom. Another day of motherhood completed. But the anxiety was crushing me. I was worried about things that were so far-fetched it should have been comical, and I was so incredibly irritable. But I was also checking all of the daily accomplishment boxes so surely I could not have PPD, right?

Years later, after I was finally out of the hormonal tornado that comes with having babies, I realized I was not, in fact, OK — and I should have asked my doctor for help. If you’re feeling anxious or irritable but telling yourself you’re fine because you’re consistently doing all the “right” things, talk to your doctor, find a therapist, or contact Postpartum Support International.

15. Rolling my eyes at the older moms telling me to “enjoy it” while I’m zombie-walking Target chasing a toddler with a sleeping infant strapped to my chest.

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And look, I knew at the time they were right. They were so right. But like, maybe just offer to buy one of the bottles of wine in my cart instead? Shoutout to those old ladies who distract the kids while you try to find your wallet to pay. They are the real MVPs.

16. Lastly, remember that no expectations actually means great expectations.

Mary Hogwood

Most of my favorite memories of my girls as babies and toddlers are the low-key moments. Taking the dog for a walk and stopping at the playground or cuddling in bed watching Mickey Mouse are the times I look back on with the rosiest of glasses and miss the most. So no worries if you're not playing classical music molding the next baby Einstein, mama. You got this.

What advice would you give to new moms? Or what do you wish someone had told you sooner as a first-time parent? Share in the comments!