I, An Adult, Watched Michelle Obama's New Kids Show On Netflix, And Here Were All Of My Thoughts

    It's Chef's Table for the preschool crowd.

    Mary Colussi
    by Mary Colussi

    BuzzFeed Staff

    I may not be a child or have a child, but I know good content when I see it. So when I learned that Michelle Obama had produced a kids show for Netflix, I had to watch, suggested age range be damned.

    Waffles + Mochi title card
    Netflix / Via youtube.com

    Ten episodes dropped on March 16th, and I watched the pilot.

    All I knew about it going in was what I learned from the trailer: It's about healthy eating, Michelle Obama makes at least one appearance, and Netflix produces a lot of prestigious cooking content.

    Netflix / Via youtube.com

    Just because you're 5 doesn't mean you can't appreciate fine dining.

    So without any further ado, here are the 79 thoughts I, a legal adult, had while watching the premiere episode of Waffles + Mochi.

    Waffles and Mochi
    Netflix / Via netflix.com

    1. For the record, I’m watching this children’s show about nutrition while eating a bag of microwave popcorn, and not even the healthy kind.

    2. However, it is organic.

    3. IDK though, it seems too yellow to be organic.

    4. OK, time to focus: We’re in “The Land of Frozen Food.”

    5. Personally I would’ve gone with “The Freezer Isle,” but whatever.

    6. We’re getting into the lore: Apparently ice cream always stays frozen — awesome — but so do dreams — bummer.

    Mountains of ice cream
    Netflix / Via netflix.com

    7. And now we meet our heroes, best friends Waffles and Mochi. They eat ice cubes for all three meals but they're also big Julia Child fans, so they're definitely working on themselves.

    8. Does Mochi not speak? He's making these weird humming noises.

    9. #JusticeForMochi

    10. W + M just hopped in a random van and left home forever, I guess.

    11. This is exactly the sort of thing I’d like to hear Mochi’s take on.

    12. That’s the weird thing about kids shows, like all of the characters are technically children but they also have a level of independence that I haven’t yet achieved as an actual adult.

    13. Like SpongeBob definitely knows more about how to do his taxes than I do.

    14. Seriously, what is this van? In my day, jumping into strange vans was discouraged.

    Mysterious van
    Netflix / Via netflix.com

    15. Also, before I get too sidetracked, this episode is called "Tomato."

    16. Our heroes are wandering around a grocery store, marveling at all the fresh food.

    17. Haven’t spotted a tomato yet, though.

    18. This feels true to life. I loved the grocery store when I was little, and one time my school went on a field trip to one to learn about healthy eating.

    19. ...Does my childhood self appear in this episode?

    20. OK, so we’re looking out for a.) Tomatoes and b.) 6-year-old me.

    21. AHHH THE SHELF IS TALKING!

    Shelfie speaks to Waffles and Mochi
    Netflix / Via netflix.com

    22. Terrifying.

    23. Wait, we’re getting some backstory — Waffles’s dad is a frozen waffle, and his Mom is a yeti.

    24. K.

    25. The shelf’s name is Shelfie. Alright.

    26. The mop’s name is Steve. Also, the mop talks. That’s kind of the whole vibe.

    27. I promise we won’t linger on this point but all of this label-free food reminds me of the grocery store in The Handmaid’s Tale.

    28. You have my word that that is the last time I will mention The Handmaid’s Tale here.

    29. Waffles and Mochi walked right into this store and asked for a job. That’s the kind of Depression-era bootstraps pulling my ancestors would appreciate.

    30. MICHELLE OBAMA MANAGES THE STORE! AND ALSO HANGS OUT ON ITS RAD ROOFTOP GARDEN!

    Michelle Obama on the grocery store rooftop
    Netflix / Via netflix.com

    31. She introduces herself as Mrs. Obama, so that’s how we’ll refer to her henceforth.

    32. We have spotted our first tomatoes, folks.

    33. Waffles thinks they’re clown noses. Classic Waffles!

    34. Mrs. Obama gives them a test: If they can correctly place the tomatoes in the store, they’ve got the job. To accomplish this, they naturally require use of a go-kart.

    35. Excuse me, “The Magic Kart.”

    36. I appreciate that Waffles seems mildly put off by the fact that every object can talk, because if that’s what the world was like, every moment would be a waking nightmare.

    37. ...But if every object in this world is conscious...then wouldn’t the tomatoes they're eating also be able to think and feel…?

    38. See, this is exactly the kind of mental road I didn’t want to go down.

    39. The Magic Kart is taking them to Oakland, California to hang out with Chef Samin Nosrat (of Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat fame.)

    40. They're investigating whether a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable. Place your bets now.

    41. *drum roll*

    42. It's a fruit!

    43. Chef Nosrat is teaching them how to make a pasta dish. Please excuse me as I try to memorize the steps.

    Netflix / Via netflix.com

    44. Do you think Mrs. Obama is like, “I told them to stock those tomatoes hours ago, where in God’s name are they?”

    45. Waffles is being a diva about grating all the cheese.

    46. I grew up in an Italian family, so I don’t blame him for this, because grating cheese is the worst.

    47. They baked the tomatoes in salt and sugar and now they taste like candy, apparently.

    48. The moral of this story is that anything can taste like candy.

    49. I’m so sorry, I’m just getting news that the moral is in fact “cooking and eating brings people together.”

    50. That is, I suppose, a better moral.

    51. An animated tomato is now performing a soulful solo about how she is a fruit, despite the fact that everyone assumes that she’s a vegetable. Naturally.

    52. Banana cellists. That's it, that's the thought.

    Cartoon bananas playing the cello
    Netflix / Via netflix.com

    53. Post musical break, W + M wander the streets of an unfamiliar city at night. Luckily, they discover a classy pizzeria to hang out in.

    54. There, we meet Katie, who both speaks and signs all of her dialogue.

    55. The pizza place is called Mozzeria, and we learn from our new pal Katie that everyone who works here is deaf.

    56. Wow, this is absolutely amazing. I love that this restaurant exists, and that the show is highlighting it.

    57. OK, every time Mochi ~sort of speaks~, it sounds like he’s saying “Mamma Mia!” Is this intentional or am I projecting?

    58. So far, this show has been very low-key about its themes of healthy eating. Of course, they’ve highlighted the importance (and deliciousness) of fresh produce, but choosing to emphasize a food like pizza really shows that their first priority is pitching food and cooking as a joyful, communal experience.

    59. A bunch of adorable kids guess in different languages if a tomato is a vegetable or a fruit. About 50% of them are wrong, but that’s fine. They hadn’t gotten the chance to watch this episode before they were asked.

    60. Casual detour to Washington, D.C. to visit Chef José Andrés, who, while making some gazpacho, clarifies that while a tomato is technically a fruit, most of the time we talk about it like it’s a vegetable.

    Netflix / Via netflix.com, Netflix / Via netflix.com

    61. When asked to guess a special ingredient, Waffles says love, but the actual answer is bread.

    62. Most scientists* will tell you that bread and love are actually the same thing.

    63. *just me**

    64. **I am not a scientist.

    65. There’s some gentle opera singing happening in the background as Chef Andrés pours his soup, which really works for me.

    66. W + M head back to the grocery store but, like true eating amateurs, neglect to take either pasta or gazpacho for the road.

    67. Their friendship is tested when they must decide whether to stock the tomatoes in the fruit or vegetable section.

    68. I don’t know if their relationship can survive this.

    69. Meanwhile, Mrs. Obama and her sassy bee sidekick enjoy a charcuterie board on the roof.

    70. Okay, so their solution was to spam the grocery store with tomatoes, and now they are everywhere.

    Tomatoes scattered amongst eggs
    Netflix / Via netflix.com

    71. I can’t see this ending favorably for them.

    72. I mean, it’s a solid visual metaphor for their versatility as an ingredient, but visual metaphors almost never land you the job.

    73. I’m speaking from experience.

    74. Surprisingly, Mrs. Obama is impressed by their tomato shenanigans, and awards them the coveted Tomato Badge.

    75. Also, she hires them.

    76. Can you imagine if she gave them badges and that whole speech about how proud she was, and then she DIDN’T hire them?

    77. Thoughts like this are why I’m not a staff writer on Waffles + Mochi.

    78. Yet.

    79. The episode ends with some celebratory dancing, which is the first and only time it resembles RuPaul’s Drag Race.

    Mochi, who despite his new tomato badge, still can't talk.
    Netflix / Via netflix.com