Dear reader, I have a confession to make: I've never seen High School Musical.
Despite the fact that roughly 99.9%* of people my age tell me that their first concert was HSM-related, I somehow missed this essential cultural moment.
But even though I know literally nothing about the plot, characters, or mise-en-scène of High School Musical, I'm a scholar of Disney Channel Original Movies, and I think I can correctly guess a lot of what happens during this film.
I think I'm going to get at least 12/19 correct, or 63%. You might be thinking, "Mary, that's a failing grade." But you know what I'm thinking? That it's time to watch High School Musical.
1.Most of the teenagers in the movie are played by actors who were actually teenagers at the time.
2.Vanessa Hudgens is the new girl in school.
3.Cheerleaders get a weird amount of hate.
4.Everyone is broke except for Ashley Tisdale.
5.Zac Efron is counting on a basketball scholarship to go to college. (Bonus if it’s an Ivy, double bonus if it’s Princeton. I think I’m getting this movie confused with A Cinderella Story.)
6.Zac Efron is forced to participate in the school musical as punishment.
7.There’s a big number in the cafeteria, and everyone dances on those round tables we all had to sit at.
8.Everyone's a junior.
9.Vanessa Hudgens gets mistreated by Zac Efron at some point.
10.Zac Efron sings a ballad to make up for...whatever it is he did.
12.The marching band gets involved in at least one song.
13.The final scene incorporates fireworks in some way.
And that was High School Musical! I had a couple predictions that I was holding out until the end to rule on, so let's see how I did with those.
14.Only one parent and one teacher have actual characterizations/storylines.
15.We never find out what exactly the high school musical is.
16.Ashley Tisdale owns no more than five and no less than two Pomeranians.
17.Someone breaks the fourth wall and acknowledges how weird it is that they’re all singing all the time.
18.This exact choreography happens: There’s a jock watching the singing and dancing with his arms crossed and a dismissive expression, and then when they reach the chorus, he suddenly joins in. Bonus points if he does a bunch of cartwheels.
19.There has to be a prom, right?
Thank you for coming with me on this journey of self-discovery. I'll leave you with the one joke from this movie that made me, a fully grown adult, laugh out loud.
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