10 Steps to Get a Guy to Like You, If He’s Really Worth It
Okay so you’ve set your sights on a guy. If you really want him, and I mean really want him, then follow these steps. It works 99% of the time. I would say “Guaranteed or your money back” except I’m not charging you! Remember all these steps are simply to get past those BS barriers that get in the way of most relationships, i.e. insecurity, “I’m not good enough,” and all that other crap. You will always be you. I’m not telling you to NOT be you just telling you how to get out of your OWN way and Get the Guy.
Step 1. Make Eye Contact
To some this may be called flirting but I don’t want you to get confused or go too far. When I say make eye contact I mean make eye contact. Nothing more. Look at him, wait for him to catch you looking at him BUT BE DISCREET – meaning don’t glare at him until he looks at you. Glance at him casually, periodically, until you happen to catch his eye BY ACCIDENT and then hold the gaze for a moment – furtively. Then look away, with the same casual discretion you used to make eye contact in the first place.
Step 2. Flirt
Okay, so you’ve made eye contact. What next? Now it’s time to flirt. Let at least a day go by before moving on to this step. Why? Because you need to give him time to think about that look you gave him. Give him space to decide what he thinks. Assuming it's at least a day later, what do I mean by flirting? Well, let’s assume you go to school together, or if you are older, work together, hang out together, socialize, etc. When you find yourself in the same proximity glance at him, slightly smile in his direction. Make small talk if you have an opportunity—talk about something you might have in common, a teacher, an interest like sports or music, something casual, like a friend. Don’t be his best friend. Just polite with a glimmer in your eye—like inside you are saying “Your cute,” communicated through your eyes and body language. Little nudge occasionally. That's flirting.
Step 3. Don’t tell your friends!
If you have friends that have big mouths and think it’s funny to tell the guy you like that you like him, don’t tell them! Keep it to yourself. Be casual if they bring it up. Like – “Yeah he’s kind of cute.” or “Yeah, he’s okay.” Be careful though. You don’t want to do the opposite because that will backfire. Don’t respond “Yuck, he’s gross.” Or “No way! He’s ugly.” Because the same friends that will run off and tell this guy you like him will also run off and tell him you think he’s gross. If he thinks that, it would take an awful lot of guts on his part to still approach you.
Step 4. Don’t Call Him, Don't Text Him
My mother used to say “If he likes you, he will call you. Don’t call him.” Today, we can replace this with “Don’t text him.” DON’T!
Let me explain further so you REALLY HAVE THIS ONE CLEAR because it’s THE MOST important step of all and there are many moving parts.
a) Don’t text or call him FIRST. Meaning DO NOT be the first one to reach out via a cell device, or any device, not even a note. WAIT. Let him make the first move! I know you are now saying to yourself, she has no clue what she is talking about. Stay with me.
b) This is easier to describe with a phone but only text him back. NEVER, and I MEAN NEVER text him first, even after you start dating. I know this sounds CRAZY but I mean it. The only time you text him is when he texts you. EVEN if you are in a texting conversation. If you have the last word and he stops responding YOU STOP! I don’t care if you are mid-conversation – don’t text “Hello?” “R U there?” “WTF??” NOTHING!
He texts, you reply.
He texts. you reply.
He texts, you reply.
Understand??
This rule applies EVEN WHEN YOU ARE ACTUALLY DATING for the first month. AND it definitely applies if he flakes—see Step 5. In case you aren't clear on what flaking means, it means something like this.
He texts you on a Wednesday, “Hey wanna go to a movie this weekend? Friday?”
You respond, “Sure.”
He responds, “Okay will text you later in the week.”
You respond again, “K”
Later in the week arrives and nothing. No text from him. Friday passes, Saturday passes, Sunday passes. Nothing! What do you do? Do you text him? Nope. You don't. You do nothing! DO NOT TEXT HIM! Ignore him. Yes, he just flaked on you and you are probably pissed or hurt or something, but you have to let it go. You have to ignore it. Don’t let him know that his stupid antics or lack of sensitivity is getting to you. He’s a guy. He’s probably doing other shit. It’s NOT PERSONAL. I repeat, IT’S NOT PERSONAL. Step 5 will help you get a grip on this.
Step 5. Pretend you don’t care
Okay. This is a biggie. If a guy flakes on you, you have to pretend you don’t care. I’m not saying let him walk all over you. What I’m saying is act like your life is so frickin' busy and filled with fun stuff to do that you didn’t even notice that he flaked (and maybe it is so good for you, no acting required). Repeat after me: "I like totally forgot we even had plans." Get it? Let's take the example from Step 4: He flaked on the movie date Friday and now Sunday rolls around.
He texts you out of the blue Sunday afternoon with some casual BS like “Hey.” Just that “Hey” or “Wasup?” And you want to inflict pain on him. Like you are really MAD. Do you ignore his text? No. You don’t. You respond. Always! BUT, give it a sec. Like wait about 2 minutes or at least double the time it would normally take you to respond. And remember you don’t care so your response might be … “hey” or “not much.” Remember he probably knows he flaked (or he may genuinely not know). If he knows he flaked then he is testing the waters. He expects you to be pissed, so surprise him. Keep him on his toes by not bringing up that date he made. IF and I mean ONLY IF he brings up Friday – Like –
“Hey, sorry I spaced on Friday,” which he probably won’t say but if he does you respond…
“Friday? Oh right. NBD I had something else anyway.”
The general idea here is your life goes on whether he texts or not (and it should). You have things to do, people to see, places to go and you don’t hang on his texts. Get it? It’s important to learn from a young age to pick your battles and this is NOT one to pick.
What if he doesn't bring it up and doesn't say he’s sorry and asks you if you want to meet for coffee like right now? You would say “can’t, I already have plans, sorry, maybe next time.” Key here is you are only available in advance, not at his beck and call when he has a sec, get it? This goes the same for if he’s late. Pretend you didn’t notice or you were so busy with something else you didn’t realize he showed up an hour late assuming he comes to your house. If he shows up an hour late to meet you in public, you should be long gone. Thirty minutes is all he gets in a public place unless he texts you that he's late. Trust me, he's not worth it. Don't bother.
Step 6. Don’t always be available
Okay so he flaked on you once or twice and doesn’t text you regularly, guess what that means? If means he's playing games. And what does that mean to you? It means if you still think he's worth it (and he might be) you will have to play the game better, at least until you get a better handle on if he's really worth it. So, IF he has started the game THEN you must enact step 6. and make yourself unavailable. What I mean is, if he flakes, and then the following weekend he asks you to movie again, say you have plans. You will need to refuse him at least twice for each time he flakes on you. Remember you don’t care, you aren’t mad. You are just not available. “Oops, sorry I can’t. Maybe next time.”
Conversation goes like this. “What about next Friday?”
You respond “Um, I can’t. I have plans.”
He responds, “Ok, Saturday night then?”
You respond, “I can’t Saturday either – I’m going out with my family.”
I don’t care if you are sitting home alone, make something up. Now, third time,
“Oh, ok. Well are you free during the day Saturday?” To which you respond with hesitation.
“Um … let me check. I think so.”
By this point, he shouldn’t flake. But, if he flakes again, you need to repeat steps 4-6 until you either realize he isn't worth it or he stops flaking and you realize he is worth it. If he is still worth it move on to step 7.
Step 7. Surprise Him with Something Thoughtful
Assuming you have steps 4-6 down, and I mean really down. Assuming you have established the way you communicate (don’t text him first). Assuming you have used these tools for a few weeks now and your texts are fairly regular. Maybe he has even asked you why you don’t text him ever—or why he’s always the one making the plans and you’ve responded, “I don’t know,” with some coy head tilt and eye fluttering. You are moving toward possibly hanging out regularly even. It’s time to surprise him. Remember this step can’t happen unless he is actively pursuing you meaning no more flaking and no more unresponsive texts. BTW unresponsive text means he waits longer than 24 hours to respond. Anything less is great. Wondering what actively pursuing you looks like? It's lots of looks, lots of glances, texts every night, smiles, jokes, etc. AND you are still only responding to him and NOT making any first moves. You are waiting for him to approach you in person and in text.
(SIDE NOTE: I HOPE you have not had sex with him already cause that’s a whole other post. And in my book ORAL SEX counts as sex. Don’t give a guy a BJ just to get his attention. Don’t DO THAT! You are better than that. MAKE HIM WAIT! A few weeks is nothing. MAKE HIM WAIT! If he isn’t worth it he will move on in the first two weeks. Do you really want to give someone a BJ who is going to move on anyway? That’s how you end up feeling like crap. Seriously. SAVE IT!)
OKAY! Back to surprising him. What do I mean by surprising him? I mean something unexpected. Something you wouldn’t normally do. Like take his hand. Stare at him longer. Make a gesture. Kiss him first. Give him roses. Write him a poem, a letter or a song. Buy him a small gift. Something that gives him a slight idea that you like him. Because, if you have been doing the other steps correctly he will probably feel a little insecure about your feelings by now, and this is the time where you’ll just give him a teeny weeny ounce of hope that you do in fact like him. You should repeat this step about once every 2-3 weeks.
Step 8. Listen to him
This is a general rule with guys. Talk less. Listen more. When you are together don’t say much. Don’t text your friends. Don’t instagram every photo. Walk around with him. Be with him. Listen to him. Be attentive. I don’t mean stick to him like glue. I mean just genuinely care what he has to say. (And by the way, if you don't care what he has to say then don't waste his time - don't be that girl that gives all girls a bad name.) If he talks about something, ask him more questions. Be there when he reaches out. Don’t share the things he tells you with your friends! Respect what you have together. AND by the way girls, same goes for him. If he’s on his phone the whole time you are together, skip it and him. Who needs that!
Step 9. Don’t Flirt with his friends or any other guy
Okay maybe you are seeing each other more now but there is still a lot of insecurity in the relationship. Maybe you are with a group of friends, and he is ignoring you. Maybe he is even talking to another girl? Remember step 5 first and do it. But also remember, no matter how much he is upsetting you don’t go there. I mean don’t flirt with his friends. This is NOT COOL. JUST DON’T DO IT. You can talk to them. You can talk to another guy. You can be yourself BUT DON’T FLIRT! Don’t do those cute little things you do with him with someone else while he watches. You know what I mean? All girls have cute little things they do with the guy they are with. Don’t do them with another guy. Don’t! If he is upsetting you, just walk away, and cool off. It’s important that you don’t blow things out of proportion. Games are always played in the dating dance. Innocent game playing is one thing, but if he does something that is really crossing the line, like going after one of your friends, he isn’t worth your time. Move on. That's not going to work. In case your wondering, innocent game playing means he's just being social and not as attentive to you as you'd like. If he’s doing that, don’t flirt with other guys to get his attention. Just have fun with your friends and be patient. He will come back to you after he’s worked the room.
Step 10. Have fun and BE YOURSELF!
Be daring. Be real. Be yourself. Yes, you still have to follow all the other steps above, but when you are actually with him, be yourself. Speak up about things that matter to you in the world. Have your own opinion. Challenge him. Don’t always agree. Think feisty. Smart is cool! But remember, no matter how close you are, follow steps 1-9 until you have literally been seeing each other for at least 3 months, for teens you may never get that far into a relationship. In general, these steps are always a great guideline to follow, no matter what your age but when you are with him BE YOURSELF. Let everything else go – how mad you are at him, how insecure you are and do your best to just BE YOU!!
Remember, along the way you may determine that he’s not your guy. That’s okay. He may literally drop out after Step 4. If he does, HE IS NOT WORTH IT. He is just using you for SEX. Yes, that’s right. That’s what I said. Guys have one thing on their mind, most of the time (sorry guys, but it’s true), after the age of 13 and that’s SEX. Giggle, giggle. I know, it’s embarrassing. It is. But it’s true. And these 10 steps will weed out any guy who just wants you as a hook up. Why? Because he wants an easy mark and you won't be one with these steps. Remember, for those of you who think these steps are terrible - who started the game at the beginning? You only instill these 10 steps if he began the game in the first place.
I can assure you these10 steps are the best way to determine if a guy is worth your time. You do the dance and slowly test the waters. By the time you reach Step 10 you will know if he is boyfriend material or not. I’m not saying that you won’t get hurt. I’m not saying that you may not have your heart broken a time or two but you have to put yourself out there to fall in love.
These steps will help you weed out the wrong guys and ultimately lead you to maybe Mr. Right or “Mr. Right for now.” And remember there is more than one Mr. Right. So keep your heart open.
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