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We Ranked All The Ridiculous Bullshit That Happened In Australian Politics This Week

Remember, it starts "normal" and descends into madness.

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8. Let's start with the fact the government lost not just one, but TWO votes on the floor of parliament this week.

It's rare for a majority government to lose a vote because it controls the agenda and should put things up it knows it'll win.But late on Tuesday, Labor caught the government flat-footed and won a vote on some amendments to Great Barrier Reef legislation.The next morning the government moved to censure Labor's Penny Wong in the Senate and lost again (though they don't have a majority there).In any other week this would have been a bigger deal but LOL it was this week.
Lukas Coch / AAPIMAGE

It's rare for a majority government to lose a vote because it controls the agenda and should put things up it knows it'll win.

But late on Tuesday, Labor caught the government flat-footed and won a vote on some amendments to Great Barrier Reef legislation.

The next morning the government moved to censure Labor's Penny Wong in the Senate and lost again (though they don't have a majority there).

In any other week this would have been a bigger deal but LOL it was this week.

7. Key crossbench senator Nick Xenophon found out he might be British through his Cyprus-born father, which would make him ineligible to sit in parliament.

Darrian Traynor / Getty Images

He is the seventh politician thrown into the citizenship mess and, to make things a little more embarrassing, he was gagging about it earlier in the week.

Fake news Helen.The piece retracted when the author was told it was a gag at a book launch.Nick has never been Gree… https://t.co/O4jkUcELKu

6. The independent MP Bob Katter withdrew his support for the government on matters of supply (which allows it to pay its bills), which again in any other week would have been big.

Mick Tsikas / AAPIMAGE

5. Ahhhhh how can we put this one...well, independent senator Jacqui Lambie confirmed she'd taken her political staffers to a sex shop to buy Christmas "trinkets".

.@JacquiLambie says she went to a sex shop with staff to buy Xmas trinkets and doesn't see anything wrong with that… https://t.co/mf52mEMV87

4. The deputy leader of the Nationals Fiona Nash left it until the very last minute on Thursday evening to casually inform the Senate that she was also a British dual citizen.

Nash was told on Monday, but waited until just before parliament ended for a two-week break to let everyone know.She's one of a swag of Nationals MPs who are now facing ruin under Section 44 of the Constitution, which bans dual citizens from sitting in parliament.
Mick Tsikas / AAPIMAGE

Nash was told on Monday, but waited until just before parliament ended for a two-week break to let everyone know.

She's one of a swag of Nationals MPs who are now facing ruin under Section 44 of the Constitution, which bans dual citizens from sitting in parliament.

3. OK we're in the top three now. Conservative senator Eric Abetz told BuzzFeed's political podcast Is it on? that if marriage equality was legalised then what's next — people wanting to marry the Sydney Harbour Bridge?!?!?!

Mick Tsikas / AAPIMAGE

Like c'mon senator Abetz, stay out of people's relationships with bridges.

'Married at last to the bridge I've loved for so long, thank you Eric Abetz'.

For real though, that story was the weirdest thing going around for less than an hour.

amazing that 'MP claims people want to marry a bridge' was only the dumbest thing happening in this country for about thirty minutes.

2. Far-right senator Pauline Hanson decided to rock up to Senate Question Time on Thursday in a burqa. Then did some bizarre Scooby villain impression and whipped it off when she had the call.

AAP Images

Government leader in the Senate George Brandis then delivered a blistering response to the burqa stunt, which resulted in Labor and Greens senators giving the attorney-general a standing ovation.

APH

What is this, the Upside Down?

One last thing about this story: Greens senator Peter Whish-Wilson mistook Hanson in a burqa for a Muslim protester, and shook her hand in "solidarity" before entering the Senate.

Lukas Coch / AAPIMAGE

1. And finally...the number one most obscene thing from this week had to be the fact the Australian deputy prime minister was revealed to be a Kiwi.

AAP Images

For real, the most Aussie bloke in the parliament was from across the ditch!

Long white cloud hangs over Barnaby Joyce, & GC Titans in disarray @couriermail

The NZ internal affairs minister rubbished claims that the great Barnaby-reveal was instigated by a Kiwi Labour MP doing the dirty work for Australian Labor.

This is so much utter nonsense - while Hipkins' questions were inappropriate, they were not the instigator. Austral… https://t.co/p99u4ctZfH

But when it was actually revealed that Labor senator Penny Wong's chief of staff Marcus Ganley (pictured) had asked his NZ Labour mates about the situation, all fucking hell broke loose.

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The federal government, led by foreign minister Julie Bishop, accused Labor of treacherous behaviour and conspiring with a "foreign power".

Mick Tsikas / AAPIMAGE

Everyone in the Southern Hemisphere needs to calm the fuck down. At least Amber Heard got her sweet, cold revenge on Barnaby Joyce.

To comfort Mr. Joyce in his hour need, I have sent him a box of New Zealand's finest kiwi fruit (assuming this pass… https://t.co/7n4qmTLlnY

Mark Di Stefano is a media and politics correspondent for BuzzFeed News and is based in London.

Contact Mark Di Stefano at mark.distefano@buzzfeed.com.

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