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Kurt is by far the best brother I've ever had, but he just has so many sides to him! Which one are you?

Which Kurt Are You?

Where are you on a Saturday afternoon at 4:23 PM?

What's your favorite smell?

How many?

What's your favorite food?

Who's your favorite Trailer Park Boy?

What's your favorite drink?

What's your favorite movie?

All around a chill guy, wants to spend ALL his time in Belize. While he may be living the dream, he is working his ass off in order to help provide for his three kids at home, named Tim, Alicia, and Darren, and his 4 golden labs, Jerry, Gerald, Gerard, and Fart. All your life you wanted to be an geriatric orthopedic surgeon, but after you came of age, you realized that becoming a fish was your one true love in life. After that, you stole the entire FitRec in order to train to become a fish. Once you did your marine semester, you realized that Belize was the place for you, and you were going to spend the rest of your life here with the crabs and the tarantulas.

Crabby Kurt

Spends all his time in the forest, and on the beach next to the forest. He had his own season of My Strange Addiction completely devoted to him after he fell in love with a tree on his second time into the forest. Her name is Bronchitis, and she has so many branches to cover her trunk. Kurt is the only one to ever lay eyes on Bronchitis. One day, Kurt actually developed bronchitis, and he died. He now lives as a forest spirit on the banks of Cape Cod.

Log Kurt

lights on nobodys home
you know where to find him
only owns this outfit

Burt

Hates BC more than anything in life, is becoming a Masshole himself but refuses to accept his new transformation. We have an interview that we acquired with some of his water polo team mates, Thor and Rosie.
Me: So, you've known Kurt for how long?
Thor: Three years now
Rosie: yeah
Me: And how have you seen him change over this time?
Rosie: He's become a very big control freak. One time, I dropped a chocolate chip on the ground and he freaked out on me! 
Thor: I live in Seattle
Mark: Very interesting. Tune in next week for Brendan Carbone and Colleen Castro on his fluctuating eating habits!

Water Kurt

How young and naÏve! He's such a silly boy. If you know Kurt, you know that this was his profile picture for years. Hard worker, very studious, but then you get into his hamster collection. First up, we have the 7 babies that he tried to warm up by putting them in the microwave. Next, Mr. Wiggles, who's favorite show is the Brady Bunch, and who wants to be a housemaid like Alice. Look at those curls! Deathbringer, from his emo phase in 7th grade (Sponsored by Teenagers by My Chemical Romance) he colored him black with a sharpie on night, and the toxins from the ink poisoned his blood, killing him. He currently has switched over from hamsters to guinea pigs, and he is having better luck. Also hates Sequoia

Tube Kurt

Probably Peak Kurt™. Victory is the only thing on his mind. He spends all his time on the ice, playing hockey, the greatest sport in the world. Likes the blood of his enemies. He wanted to be a pro hockey player when he was younger, but then he realized he was trash at his sport and became a scientist. Hates all other versions of Kurt, views himself as the superior person in the family, has no obligation to be kind to anyone he knows. Focuses on his sport, failing all his classes.

Frozen Water Kurt

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Which Kurt Are You?

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