57 Things Everyone Secretly Wants To Do At Target
Other than leave without spending half of your bank account.
1. Browse through a freshly restocked, non-ravaged Dollar Section.
2. Climb up on the conveyer belt and see if it's powerful enough to carry you down to the register.
3. Scan yourself.
4. Start a light show using the cashier lights.
5. Put on a red vest and do your best impression of the Target Lady.
6. Stand on the bag carousel and spin around in circles until you feel a little bit nauseous.
7. Peruse the adorable array of garments in the children's clothing section.
8. Shop for your nonexistent child with no shame.
9. Go find some clothing in your own size.
10. Bring way more than six items into the dressing room...just because you can.
11. Put on a fashion show and strut down the aisle like it's a runway.
12. Use the dressing room tags to rate your friend's outfits.
13. See how many pieces of clothing you can wear at once.
14. Tie a bunch of scarves together and have a tug of war.
15. Venture into the warehouse and see if you can find a cache of past designer collaborations. "Rodarte dress! Where are you? Come out, Rodarte dress!"
16. Find a walkie-talkie to make yourself feel official.
17. Completely cover yourself in price stickers and stagger around the store like a heavily discounted Frankenstein's monster.
18. Cruise around on the forklift.
19. See the baler.
20. Rush over to crush something in the baler.
21. Remember the "Safety Training" episode of The Office and Darryl's warning about how easy it is to lose an arm in a baler.
22. Step away from the baler and return to the main part of the store.
23. Turn off all the lights and play flashlight tag.
24. And hide and seek.
25. And a rousing game of red shopping cart bumper cars.
26. Make yourself a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils in the Back to School section.
27. Open up a karaoke machine and start singing over the loudspeaker.
28. Take every Barbie doll out of its package and force them to watch as you masterfully perform every song from Taylor Swift's Red.
29. Press the "try me!" buttons on all of the talking toys and create an insanely annoying orchestra.
30. Have a contest to see who can put together a Lego set fastest.
31. Play dominoes with $5 DVDs.
33. Play Candyland in the candy aisle.
34. Eat sour candy until your tongue is ready to detach itself from your body and slither away to avoid being subjected to any more pain.
35. Set up a hammock between two shelves.
36. Read all of the magazines you're normally too cheap to buy.
37. Rip out pictures of your favorite celebrities, go to the frame aisle, and replace all the stock photos with them.
38. Stack up a bunch of futon mattresses from the dorm furniture section and pretend you're the princess from "The Princess and the Pea."
39. Create a mountain of RE: Room Essentials pillows, comforters, and towels.
40. Climb up to the top of a row of shelving and throw yourself off into the fluffy heap.
41. Hold a seance with Threshold candles.
42. Try on every single lipstick and lip gloss shade made by Burt's Bees, Sonia Kashuk, and Boots.
43. Kiss a sheet of poster board every time you try on a new color.
44. Admire your abstract art creation.
45. Ride up and down the shopping cart lift at least two dozen times.
46. Surreptitiously try a few different Boots & Barkley dog bones from the pet aisle.
47. Go to the in-store Starbucks and fill a pitcher with Frappuccino.
48. Venture to the Target Cafe and eat the addictive (yet not-so-subtly Styrofoam-tasting) popcorn by the handful.
49. Enjoy some nacho cheese directly from the spout.
50. Try out every appliance you'd never actually buy. "Breakfast sandwich maker? Sure. Rotating pizza oven? Why not. Hot dog toaster? Yum."
51. Blow up a kiddie pool and make a giant-size Market Pantry ice cream sundae.
52. Make an igloo out of Wine Cubes.
53. Make water balloons.
54. Throw all of your balloons at a giant Target bullseye.
55. Ditch the balloons and start a straight-up food fight.
56. Dump out at least 20 bottles of olive oil and make the fastest, most amazing Slip'n Slide in the history of the world: all the way from the back of the store to the front registers (and the EOS spheres).