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1. A pack of six wine condoms for keeping that leftover bottle sealed on nights when you decide to really drink responsibly.
2. A tool that'll help you zip up those impossible-to-reach back zippers without bending over backwards.
3. A self-cleaning litter box to take away the shittiest chore in your cat-loving life.
4. A detangling brush you can confidently comb through wet or dry hair without any damage (we promise this will ~knot~ hurt a bit).
5. An ab roller to make your workouts way more intense, and make people say "daaamn" the next time they see your strong self.
6. A handy pair of light gloves so that you're not totally in the dark when fixing your pipes for the first time.
7. An Apple Watch that'll track your hard work and help you focus on accomplishing your daily workout once and for all.
8. A window fly trap for getting rid of pesky house flies in a far more efficient and sanitary way than whacking them with a fly swatter.
9. Or a gorgeous citronella hanging coil that'll keep bugs (at least, mosquitos), away in the first place.
10. A leave-in protein treatment that will seriously smooth out those frustrating split ends and keep your hair healthy.
11. A teeth whitening pen to keep your smile bright no matter how much coffee you drink. You are sure to love this thing a whole ~latte~.
12. A beard bib to eliminate the gross sink clean up that usually comes after a shave.
13. A pressure cooker to help you stress-eat your way through the pressure that is Bachelor In Paradise season.
14. A two-piece cuticle cutter set for when you can't make it to the salon but also can't make it another day with your uncut cuticles.
15. A drill brush kit, because you can no longer brush it off when your friends ask how long it's been since you've washed the tub.
16. A charcoal air purifying bag so you can keep your car smelling fresh instead of smelling like cardboard pine trees.
17. A toilet cleaner that will keep your bowl so sparkly you might not even want to use it.
18. A sleeved blanket for times when your workspace is freezing and a regular blanket won't cut it.
19. A pack of pimple patches that'll blast away blemishes in the blink of an eye.
20. A set of four egg cookers you can use while you ~scramble~ to make a fast dinner that requires little clean up.
21. A jewelry tool sure to help you out in a pinch.
22. A darling pig egg yolk separator so separating eggs doesn't turn into slop.
23. A microwave cleaner, because cleaning out a microwave is so gross you've almost considered no longer buying Hot Pockets. Almost.
24. Or a refrigerator freshener to keep your leftovers from smelling fishy.
25. A pair of blister proof socks so running will feel more like a pain in the ass than a pain in your foot.
26. A Satisfyer Pro 2 — it's sure to finally help you hit that spot... again and again.
27. Or a head scratcher, which will scratch a *different* kind of itch, but will easily be just as satisfying.
28. A vulva balm for easing the kind of discomfort you can't help but hate.
29. A TubShroom to get your drain hair-free without draining any of your energy trying to clean it.
30. A Squatty Potty for anyone who gets pooped just from trying to poo.
31. A gel wart remover that'll clear away those stubborn warts you've been longing to have disappear.
32. A dry shampoo — it's gonna save your hairstyle on days when the grease is comin' on strong.
33. A pack of waistband expanders for expecting moms who know that they deserve to ~expand~ their options when it comes to maternity wear.
34. And finally, an anti-chafing balm, because this summer has made your thighs cry and they deserve some relief.
Okay but for real, let's do it.
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