We hope you love our recommendations! Some may have been sent as samples, but all were independently selected by our editors. Just FYI, BuzzFeed and its publishing partners may collect a share of sales and/or other compensation from the links on this page.
We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.
1. A Squatty Potty that'll make using the bathroom a breeze for your bowels, it's just that waiting in line with a poo-stool in your hand would really have you down in the ~dumps~.
2. A shoe spray to greatly improve your sweaty scent (buying it online means you won't have to ~sweat-it~ at the register).
3. A tongue cat brush that'll make your cat incredibly happy but would *also* make the line at the pet store incredibly awkward.
4. A lice kit — seriously handy to have when things get a little ~hairy~ at home, yet would possibly make judgmental people give your 'do some stares at the grocery store.
5. A hearty bottle of Poo-Pourri to keep your bathroom smelling beautiful, because we all know that everyone poops, but we like to pretend that that fact doesn't ~stink~.
6. A hemorrhoid ointment for granting your bottom some relief (buying it online relieves you of having to go anywhere when you're feeling so sore).
7. A toilet cleaner for efficiently cleaning your toilet bowl. Buying it on your computer efficiently makes people think it magically stays that clean.
8. An eggplant emoji vibe you can buy online so no one knows quite how much you love texting.
9. A box of gas relief medication that's easy to buy from the safety of your own (currently pungent) apartment.
10. A wart remover to make sprouting toe growth a summer accessory we all skip this sandal season.
11. A Go Girl — not the conversation starter you wanna have with your cashier, but it's gonna save the day when ~urine~ trouble and can't find a bathroom.
12. A bottle of bed bug spray best to buy from the comfort of your own pest-infested home, unless you're prepared to watch everyone start phantom-scratching while standing next to you in line.
13. A callus remover worth buying at home so your best friend doesn't find out they've ~rubbed off~ on you and convinced you to start shaving off your feet flakes.
14. A tube of toothpaste for bleeding gums that's gonna ease your gums: buying it online is gonna ease your worries about people thinking it's because you never floss (you sometimes floss).
15. A dandruff shampoo for fixing your itchy scalp, whether it's seasonal scaliness or a full-year flake.
16. A box of tampon flasks that are so genius (just as genius as you are for buying them online so no one gets wise to your scheme).
17. A balm for clearing up toe jam, ringworm, and rashes basically as fast as you can click "add to cart."
18. A box of anti-diarrhea medication that'll soothe your stomach. It's good to have *before* you really need it during your date at Buffalo Wild Wings.
19. A selfie stick that'll help you take awesome pictures on your vacation (you just may not want people to know you actually spent money on it).
20. A box set of Fifty Shades — a (belated) guilty pleasure, because airport paperbacks are even better when you don't have to buy them at the airport.
21. And finally, a personalized penis vibe kit that'll be a big hit, even if buying it in an actual store would give you the ~willies~.
Me after I buy basically all of the things.
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