28 Dark Things You'll Want If You Never Really Left Your Goth Phase
Pull those blackout curtains closed and light a black-flame candle, things are about to get dark.
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1. An anatomical sketch sure to look ~bloody~ good resting atop your overflowing plant shelves. Your plant parenthood lifestyle has made your home look a whole lot less morbid than you'd intended. This sketch is here to solve that problem.
2. A deck of occult tarot cards for giving you inspiration and guidance on your (intentionally dreary) future.
Owner Amy Diaz Hollis runs this small biz from Galveston, Texas. The shop has everything to support your mystical and witchy ways, from divination cards to altar supplies. I'm a sucker for all the carved pocket stones, particularly this witchy pick.
Promising review: "I highly recommend this. The pictures are beautiful and the deck is absolutely gorgeous in person; the colors and artwork are amazing. I'm so happy with it. Tremendous thanks to the seller for such a quick delivery, wonderful product, and wonderful experience." —ShadowWolfG
3. A spider print so stinkin' striking you just might swat it in fear when you see it on your side table.
This Society6-featured artist has 24 designs available for purchase as prints, textiles, decor, and more. The majority of the work is inspired by dark realism, and it's *all* gorgeous.
Promising review: "She is so talented and I love my beautiful print!" —Alannah C.
4. A PDF cross-stitch pattern for fans of true crime entertainment who have spent hours listening to murder investigation podcasts while washing the dishes, doing laundry, making dinner, etc. Pro tip: If your partner listens to crime shows while doing chores...you should probably offer to do more of them yourself. Sure, they love you, but you have no idea what they could do with that scrub brush.
This small biz is located in Montreal, Canada, and run by owner Rosanna. Browse through the 143 cross-stitch-themed products. There are pop culture pieces, dark and dreary themes, and (my personal favorite) an electric love option.
Promising review: I haven't finished it yet but I'm in love. I can't wait to give it to my fiancé on our wedding day. =) The instructions are easy to follow and it's a great pattern." —Michael Iacovino
5. A vampire bat door knocker that'll let solicitors know *exactly* what they're getting themselves into if they try to bother you by knocking on your door.
6. Or a sculpture version that's gonna look lovely out in your yard, you know, if your definition of "lovely" happens to be what other people consider "terrifying." This thing might just scare away bugs AND nosey neighbors!
7. A Haunted Mansion Little Golden Book so you can initiate your kiddos into the wonderful world of paranormal entertainment, from the womb to the tomb.
Promising review: "The Haunted Mansion being one of my favorite ride attractions, I knew I had to buy this book. It is so beautifully made! The illustrations are so beautiful and colorful. I love the story! I just wish the quality of the cover was a little better. I would recommend this to anyone who is a Disney fan!" —Tania
Get it from Target for $5.99.
8. A heart cross-body — a darn cute accessory for fashion-savvy folks who know black is the only color to be worn outdoors.
This 5''x6'' bag is made of...wait for it...VEGAN leather! PS The strap is removable, so you can also use this as a clutch.
Valfré is a Latinx woman–owned business based in Los Angeles that has home goods and fashion products covered in their iconic, sassy illustrations.
Get it from Valfré for $30.
9. A really rad skeleton throw to use while snuggling up with your scaredy-cat boo during the horror movie marathon you've tricked them into "enjoying" with you.
This darling Etsy shop, started by artist Diane, includes woven throw blankets, printable wall art, and pillows. This is a small business you don't want to miss!
Promising review: "I absolutely love this blanket! The quality is amazing! I would definitely buy it again!" —Sarah Hensley
10. A pair of Victorian curtains that'll complement your grown-up-goth home with some dreadfully romantic details. Go ahead, draw those curtains. Daylight is vastly overrated.
The photos above are from my BFF's apartment. She and I share a gaudy goth aesthetic and when we were hunting for curtains for her home she found these gems. Since then, she purchased a gold set for her living room. Both purchases have shown us that the shop's quality is top-notch and consistent. I highly recommend these! And FYI, Zen Creatives is a small business in Los Angeles!
Promising review: "These curtains are just beautiful. The red is very vibrant, so much that all the light that goes through has a red tint! I love the ambience it gives the room. I'm gonna have to buy more of them for my home office." —ninickthedemon
11. Dangerous Games To Play In The Dark, a frighteningly informational book for brave readers who want to know the rules, alleged results, and history of some of the most bone-chilling games of lore we humans have dared to play.
Promising review: "This is a magnificent work of supernatural art! I absolutely love this little book! I read a lot of books on supernatural, paranormal, and folklore subjects and this tiny tome is more fun than most stuff in my library. It’s got it all! It’s creepy, it’s spooky, it’s historical, it’s urban legend and magic all rolled into one. This is such a unique book that I recommend anyone and everyone who is into the occult or supernatural read this and keep it for reference. The author did her homework and cited her references and the history of each 'game.' The book is well written and so much fun to read. I bought it strictly for chills and thrills, never intending to play the games (but the fun is in MAYBE SOME DARK NIGHT I WILL), so I encourage anyone who wants a tantalizingly wicked nighttime read to get this book. You will be pleasantly creeped out." —SEB333
Get it from Amazon for $11.70.
12. A skull bath bomb so you can celebrate spooky season even while washing up.
Natural Pure Honest is located in Corolla, North Carolina, and (although owner Traci has stocked the shop with a handful of spooky stuff for our kooky souls) the shop specializes in lovely luxury skin and bath products.
Promising review: "This is awesome! They look great, they work great, and they are BIG! They shipped fast, as well! Great communication from seller." —Carey Holzman
13. And a planchette option to go with it!
Along with being my number-one favorite-named Etsy shop, Coffin And Cauldron is also one of my favorite stops for creepy soaps! But that's not all you can find in this wild shop. You can ALSO get customized marionette dolls that are, and I mean this with the utmost level of adoration and respect, actual nightmares. Owner Miya runs her shop out of Austin, Texas.
Promising review: "I purchased this because I’m obsessed with scents and wanted to have some cute soaps for the Halloween season. This is so absolutely stunning, I don’t even want to use it!!" —Jennifer Grosso
14. A sweatshirt that'll let your date know right off the bat that your sense of humor is...dark. Here's hoping they don't ~ghost~ you after getting a look at your lewk.
I got this sweatshirt in a large and I love the oversized, unisex look (pictured above, right). It's incredibly cozy and I was positively swarmed by kind compliments when I wore this while apple picking with fellow fall enthusiasts.
Go ahead and bookmark this small biz now, because it's one of the *very* best places to shop for gifts! Dig through the over 700 laugh-out-loud (and lovely) items available. There are notebooks, ornaments, outfits, aaaaand exactly 97 Halloween-themed products. You love to hear it.
15. A tin of lip (em)balm sure to keep your lips silky smooth, no formaldehyde needed.
Small business owner Anna has a collection of antique-style grooming products that'd make any shelf in your home look suave and sophisticated. There's also an assortment of mourning jewelry that is, ahem, to die for. Pun *always* intended. BTW, the shop is located in Biddeford, Maine.
Promising review: "I love it!! It makes my lips feel nice and smooth! It's definitely a must-have in my bag!" —mguerrero903
17. A button up with a surprisingly chic The Nightmare Before Christmas pattern, so you can show off your fandom while still looking pretty professional in your Zoom calls. Honestly, your boss will have ~zero~ idea what you're wearing!
This top is a BoxLunch exclusive. Wash this cotton shirt with like colors and dry it on low.
Get it on sale from BoxLunch for $35.92 (originally $44.90; available in men's sizes XS–2X).
18. A black smock dress for adding a piece to your witchy wardrobe that looks like it was plucked straight outta Salem.
19. A wicked cute dog bone toy that'll be loved by your pup, whose happy-go-lucky attitude is totally harshing your haunted-home vibe.
This is reversible; one side says “Wicked” and the other side says “Cute." It's made with a soft fabric, so don't be surprised if your pup ends up sleeping beside it rather than destroying it! That being said, this thing has three squeakers...hunting pups are gonna love it.
Get it from Chewy for $10.98.
21. A Black Phillip print that'll prove you aren't ~kidding~ around with your love of dark home decor.
This rad small biz has a small collection of gorgeous posters inspired by different movies. I actually own the Black Phillip poster above and love that, despite how bright it is, it completely captures the haunting vibe of The Witch.
22. A tattoo care kit in some deliciously dark packaging, for keeping your creepiest tattoos looking bright, shiny, and scary.
I recently started using Mad Rabbit products (I've got the entire kit above) and I've recommended it to all my friends with tattoos. The soothing gel is lightweight and calming, the sunscreen is effective without feeling heavy, and the balm makes tattoos look gorgeous. I'm truly surprised by how well color pops with this stuff! This small business is located in Los Angeles, California.
Promising review: "100% Quality. My tattoo looks amazing" —Carlos F. Suarez
Get it from Mad Rabbit Tattoo for $50 (or subscribe and get it for $37.50).
23. A "Don't Tell Me To Calm Down" tank top from the dreadful, funny, and dreadfully funny podcast Sinsiterhood. Throw this on while you're out and about to let passersby know you're not playing Mozart through your headphones...you're listening to a different kind of masterpiece.
Sinisterhood is a blast! The hosts are Christie Wallace and Heather McKinney, comedians in Dallas who have the best crime show banter I've ever heard. Their backgrounds in improv, and McKinney's job as an attorney, bring a balance of laughs and facts to each episode. If you're looking to support women-owned works, then buy some swag, listen to their podcast, and be prepared to sleep with a light on.
Get it from Sinisterhood for $25 (available in women's sizes S–2XL and two colors).
24. A bed canopy (that doesn't require bedposts!) for massively enhancing even the barest of bedrooms. Have a mattress on the floor? It's about to look like a witchy wonderland.
Promising review: "I LOVE this canopy! It's great for the price. It takes a minute to figure out which way it goes on the bed but don’t get discouraged, you’ll figure it out. This is meant to hang from the ceiling but you can make it work on posts. I tied the hook strings around the bed post and it holds great. It’s a great canopy." —Shonteka
Get it from Amazon for $24.99 (available in three colors).
25. A butter coffin to keep your butter soft and at-the-ready when you're dead tired in the morning and need some toast stat.
Promising review: "I’m not an ordinary Pinterest mom, I’m a goth Pinterest mom. This is adorable. The width is wider than expected but that’s nice as I’m going to use this when I’d like my butter room temperature for baking. I didn’t realize the little head functions as a little top piece to hold while lifting the lid!" —Maia
Get it from Wayfair for $15.99.
26. A mini print that is gonna look, um, adorable on your bedside table. You're certainly not gonna worry about monsters under the bed when the monster is literally sitting beside you while you fall asleep.
27. A romantic black bird so you can elegantly decorate your home with the forces of (dismal) nature.
This woman-owned small business is run by Tamar Mogendorff. Mogendorff is a Brooklyn, NY-based artist whose work I saw in a toy store several years ago. Since then, I've been an avid fan. Her soft goods include rugs, pillows, and other-worldly critters.
Get it from Tamar Mogendorff for $325.
28. And finally, a box set of Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (with the original artwork by Stephen Gammell). These are selling out so fast it's ~scary~, so act quick before this darkness no longer exists!
These are the illustrations of our '90s childhood nightmares.
Promising review: "If you are going to buy these books, this is the place to get them, in this specific set. I had to search a bit to find the original set, because the new box set doesn't include the original art. If you're familiar with these books, the original art is breathtaking and about as spooky, eerie, and disturbing as it gets." —mr. big
Get them from Amazon for $19.99.