Just Some Things That Really Won't Cure My Depression, Sorry

    I've had enough of colouring books tbh.

    Maggy van Eijk
    by Maggy van Eijk

    BuzzFeed Staff, UK

    1. Green tea

    Maggy van Eijk / BuzzFeed

    Green tea has some great qualities and I'd agree that drinking a shit-ton of tea is better than reaching for bottles of wine, BUT you can't drown your depression in hot water. If I drank as much tea as people suggested I do I'd still be depressed but with the added bonus of constantly needing to pee.

    2. A bubble bath.

    Maggy van Eijk / BuzzFeed

    Depression feels like being enveloped in a hot sticky fog, which is pretty damn close to the feeling I get when I'm stewing in my own filth in the bath. Relaxing in the tub helps after a stressful day, but it's not going to cure a mental health condition.

    3. A holiday.

    Maggy van Eijk / BuzzFeed

    "You just need to get away from it all!" seems like helpful advice. Sure, if you're going through a tough situation and you're able to travel, why the hell not? However the crux of my depression is myself, not my situation. If I had the money I could jet off to Hawaii and sit on the beach but the problem would remain: I would be on that beach with myself.

    4. Colouring books

    Maggy van Eijk / BuzzFeed

    For a lot of people colouring in can be therapeutic – their mind goes blank and everything quietens for a bit. That actually sounds great. For me, I'm mostly reminded of the fact that I have no artistic ability whatsoever and that I'm 27 and I still can't colour within the lines.

    5. Screaming really, really loud

    Maggy van Eijk / BuzzFeed

    Screaming is great. Sometimes I scream into my pillow. This helps for maybe two seconds. Once I tried to do that Garden State thing when Garden State was still cool and I walked to a massive bridge in the city I was living in and screamed into the blistering wind. That didn't help as much. I felt silly and I'd failed to spot the tourist family behind me who might now always be wary of greasy-haired women on bridges.

    6. Reading inspirational quotes

    Maggy van Eijk / BuzzFeed

    Sometimes well-meaning people will send you a quote; some might be kind of beautiful, while others are total fucking nonsense. They're often accompanied with a suggestion that I should stop scrolling on social media and read a nice Instagrammable quote instead. They are right in that social media doesn't help *you stop comparing yourself to others, but we need to give depression a little bit of credit. Looking at that girl I knew in uni's fancy new house isn't going to send me into a depression spiral. She bloody wishes.

    7. Wearing clothes that make me feel pretty

    Maggy van Eijk / BuzzFeed

    When I'm depressed I don't want to get dressed. I want to stay in bed until the blankets swallow me and I can live down below in some blanket-y world of sweet nothingness. Wearing a dress or some snazzy shoes is going to feel a lot like covering a wound in glitter. It's not going to help.

    8. Falling in love

    Maggy van Eijk / BuzzFeed

    When you're single and depressed, people often wonder if things would be better for you if you had a partner, someone who will look after you. Thing is, even in relationships depression is incredibly difficult, and you can end up pushing people away. So partner or no partner, depression is a fucking dick.

    9. Surrounding myself with scented candles

    Maggy van Eijk / BuzzFeed

    A candle that smells like cinnamon or Christmas or a newborn's armpit is going to do very little to lift my mood. Buying yourself nice things is a lovely gesture but I'd rather purchase a bouquet of mozzarella sticks than a sickly sweet block of wax.

    10. Getting out of my comfort zone

    Maggy van Eijk / BuzzFeed

    I think when you're in the grips of depression you should probably remain nestled safely within that comfort zone. Bungee jumping or paragliding isn't going to jolt me out of the feeling that life is endlessly pointless. If you have had some kind of epiphany mid-air, do let me know.

    11. And, finally, just ~waiting~ it out

    Maggy van Eijk / BuzzFeed

    Sometimes depression is in fact a matter of riding it out, especially if you've been through an episode before, because you know what the end might look like, the way the fog and that pressure on your skull slowly starts lifts. However, waiting around might not be enough. You might need to go and see the doctor, adjust your medication, or ask your support network for help. Having a mental illness means that sometimes you have to step up and become your own advocate. While you're grappling with depressive thoughts, you also have to make calls and get yourself help. It's hard, but trust me, it's so worth it.

    If you need information and practical advice on depression, you can call the Mind infoline on 0300 123 3393 (9am to 6pm, Monday to Friday) if you’re in the UK.

    You can call the Samaritans for confidential support if you’re experiencing feelings of distress or despair on 116 123 (UK), 116 123 (ROI).

    And you can call the Crisis Call Center at 1-800-273-8255 at any time of the day if you’re based in the US.