This #metoo campaign on social media right now has really had me thinking. I’ve been debating the past few days if I should tweet something, if I want to tweet something, or if I want to post in general or if I just feel pressured to. After reading and being inspired by others and recognizing no one is forcing me to tell them anything, I decided I wanted to say something because I am someone who is passionate about raising awareness about this issue in hopes that the culture will change. I want to share something because I know I have felt ashamed and confused by what happened to me and I believe posting something in a time like this could help me take another step in not blaming myself for people taking complete advantage of me.
I post #metoo because I want people to understand that people who have been sexually harassed and sexually assaulted just want to be believed. We want to be supported.
I do not want your sympathy. I do not want you to tell me how strong and brave I am for sharing a generalized #metoo. Many survivors and victims feel brave and strong and want to be inspiring. I applaud them and they are ones who have inspired me to be comfortable sharing a post and raise awareness on my end. I don’t want to discredit their positive feelings. They are brave. They are strong. They are inspiring.
I post #metoo because those who are sharing do not owe you their story.
However, I do not feel strong or brave for simply posting my thoughts. I still suffer from PTSD and have terrible nightmares, and it has been nearly three years. I have had uncontrollable anxiety which has ruined relationships with friends, significant others and has distanced me from my family in the past. I have a lot of bad days. There are days I have no energy to even get out of bed. I feel lazy and I beat myself up for not being better. I do not feel strong or brave or inspiring for simply existing and going about life after my attack.
I post #metoo because I want people who are suffering to know that it is okay to be selfish.
That doesn’t mean I don’t’ have good days, though. All my pictures you’ll see me smiling, surrounded by friends. I do have good days. There are days I feel like my old self again. Those days are what keep me going. The friends and my family who have stuck around through my unexpected up’s and downs. The ones who didn’t give up on me and supported me and believed me without question.
I post #metoo because it’s important to celebrate the fact that we are not alone and to remind people life is worth living and people love you.
The social stigma around sexual assault and the way we talk about it is terrible. It’s ridiculous that I’ve been going to counseling for THREE YEARS and still have problems with blaming myself for events of that night and think of all the things I could have differently. This is because of comments and actions of society and people I interact with. “She was too drunk” “She just regrets it” “She didn’t want her boyfriend to break up with her for cheating” “She wanted revenge” “She wanted fame”. Fuck all of that because there are SO FEW PEOPLE WHO LIE ABOUT THIS. We need to stop discrediting survivors based on the few shit people who lie about it.
I post #metoo because I want others who are still blaming themselves for what some terrible human did to them that I understand how they feel and it is not their fault, no matter what people say.
I believe if we talked about sexual violence and harassment differently more victims and survivors would not be embarrassed or scared to open up and not live in guilt for something they did not deser.ve I want people who are not affected directly by sexual assault and harassment to be advocates and supporters, just because it’s the right thing to do.
I post #metoo because I want people to understand that people who have been sexually harassed and sexually assaulted just want to be believed. We want to be supported.
I post #metoo because I needed to get these thoughts off my mind and this finally a time people are willing to listen.
If you want to do something to be better about it, just be someone who cares.
If you want to take action, you can take the It’s On Us pledge. (itsonus.org)
If you want to be an advocate get involved in a group on campus or in the community. Be a support system to people who come to you.
I post #metoo because this needs to stop. Sexual harassment and Sexual assault should not happen to anyone.
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