Standing in the bathroom of my tiny apartment, I was staring down at a little blue plus sign on an at-home pregnancy test.
Not everyone dreams of being pregnant during their last semester of college, but sometimes life happens, and you are hit with a bomb. The tears wouldn’t stop falling down my cheeks as I called my boyfriend into the bathroom, and he knew instantly. His face fell to mine, and he said, “It will be alright; we will do whatever you want to.” That is the moment I remembered the reasons that I love this man.
I sat there a little longer, contemplating all of my options and the pros and cons of both. I am not a super open person regarding my internal struggles, so I didn’t plan on telling anyone but my mom. I also didn’t care for anyone else’s opinion on what I should or shouldn’t do with my body or my zygote.
I then picked up my phone and dialed my mom’s number. She answered right away and knew something was wrong. I couldn’t stop myself from pouring tears as I told her, and she said that I had three options in front of me and should research each one before fully committing. “I love you, Madison. Everything is king to be alright,” she said to me.
I did exactly as she said and, after reviewing the different options that I had, found an abortion clinic in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. It was only 45 minutes from my house, so I called them and set up an appointment for the following Monday. It was during quarantine, which means that neither my boyfriend nor I had work, which was also a factor in my decision making.
Did I want to bring a child into this pandemic with two parents filing for unemployment?
I ended up going to my scheduled appointment, and it was hell from the time I got there to the time I left. I had to wait an hour in the car before I could even get inside, and my boyfriend was never allowed past the front door.
Before entering, the lady at the door said, “You’re lucky. You just missed the protesters”. I didn’t feel lucky.
When I saw the doctor, he asked if I wanted to see an ultrasound, and I said yes, like a dummy. But, in all honesty, I couldn’t even see it or tell what it was, so it didn’t affect my final decision.
After this, they send you into a room with the individual in front of or behind you for “counseling.” Counseling consists of a lady holding up a pamphlet telling you every in and out of the procedure and which one you can do. You have two options if you catch a pregnancy early on. First, you can take a pill or have them shove a stick-like object up there and terminate that way. Neither sounded pleasant, but the pill seemed more my style.
After this, you wait around a little more before talking to the front desk. As I sat around in the waiting room, I looked at every other girl there. That is what hurt me the most. Some were older, some were with their moms, some were alone, but some were so incredibly young.
Overall, the place is just depressing, as I am sure you could imagine. When talking to the front desk, they were pretty straightforward. “You come on this day, at this time, and bring this much money, you got it?” is pretty much how that went.
Finally, I got to leave. When I returned to the car with my boyfriend sitting in it, I told him I needed some time to think about what I was doing.
Because I didn’t have an in-person job at this time, I had endless time to sit around and think about what I wanted to do. As I started to go over the cons of having the child, I could only come up with two. I didn’t know how I would have enough money because I didn’t know how much a child costs and I didn’t know how to tell my sweet but extremely religious grandparents.
I knew that I had a boyfriend who loved me a lot, a mom who supported whatever I wanted, and a lot of thinking to do.
After a lot of sitting around and being in my head, I decided that I would not go through with the abortion. So I sat down and made a list of the things that my significant other and I needed to do before having a child.
On the list, I wrote, “No more drinking. No more hitting vapes. Get a more reliable car. Get a steady job. Do the best you can in school. Come up with a ten-year plan. Save $10,000 by April.” So far, I have done everything on this list and am halfway to the last one.
My boyfriend and I are happier than ever for our beautiful baby girl, that will be here around April 3rd.
At the beginning of my pregnancy, things were extremely tough on my body. I have to be up at 5 am every day, and I just started to regain some energy. I couldn’t keep my eyes open if I wanted to in the first trimester.
As of right now, I have all A’s and will finish my senior year in less than two weeks. I got offered a job as an office assistant/public relations manager with a salary and benefits that I start next week. My boyfriend just got a promotion to assistant kitchen manager at the oyster house he works at, and we just moved into our first house together.
I have yet to tell my grandparents because I plan to say it to them when I officially graduate from college. All they have ever wanted was for me to graduate, and giving them this news with that accomplishment will lighten the blow.
They are not going to be thrilled that Seth and I do not plan to get married anytime, but that is alright. I know that we both want to someday when it is in the budget, which is not what matters to us right now.
I’m here to say that anything is possible, and even when you feel like the world is ending, it probably isn’t. Getting the news that I was pregnant made me get my shit together in the best ways.
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