14 F***s I Learned To Not Give In Year 23

I realized that I got to most of my success, confidence and wisdom by walking through some pretty sucky days. And while I’d love to stand here, ripe at 24 and say “I am a warrior goddess, conqueror of all that tried to hold me back,” I’ve instead learned that a lot of that success, confidence and wisdom come from, minimizing our battles back into perspective and instead letting them be. In other words, let that sh** go. Here are 14 f***s I learned to not give in year 23:

1. What, if anything, people are thinking about me during a yoga class.

I don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard by wearing a super cute workout outfit, but I also do want to look cute. I don’t want to take off my shirt and do yoga in my sports bra because then people might think I’m too fat, or worse, that I’m easy. I don’t want to try that pose because I know I can’t do it and others will laugh. Oh but this pose I’ve been working really hard on, but I don’t want to do it because people will think I’m showing off. Self—you’re not that special. Everyone else is just thinking about what you’re thinking of them. Namaste and find your center.

2. Feeling like a bad dog mom when my pup acts up in public.

Like children, sometimes dogs act up. But instead of throwing a temper tantrum, they mount other dogs or growl or run away. Usually it impacts other dogs or dog-owners, and more often then not, are accompanied by a judgemental look from other owners. The truth is that we've all been there. We've all had that dog that just won't stop bothering another or is just plain being a pain. I've had to learn to just do something about it, or leave, and let the stares follow, knowing that the ability to be a dog mom cannot always be judged by the behavior of my dog. *Ground-breaking stuff here guys*

3. If someone’s feelings are hurt accidentally by a decision you made, you don’t have to change your decision.

I’m a peace-keeper with friends and coworkers. But sometimes feelings get hurt or feathers get ruffled along the way. I’ve had to tell myself that unless I intentionally or spitefully hurt this person’s feelings, my job is not to make them feel better. That’s not to say they don’t have a right to feel that way, and a good friend or colleague will acknowledge their feelings and validate them, but it doesn’t mean the outcome will change. Just because it was a decision made thoughtfully or justly, doesn’t mean it will be popular with everyone.

4. I am not stylish because Plato’s Closet rejecting all of my clothes.

I didn’t lose sleep over this before, but I definitely decided to stop letting it make me mad.

5. Taking pictures in public.

Yes, I’m doing this for Instagram. Yes, this photo was not taken on the first try. I don’t know why this matters to you.

6. Being uncomfortable talking about money.

If you do freelance work for someone, charge them. Don't avoid getting what you deserve because the money conversation is awkward. Negotiating pay, raises, contracts is only going to happen more frequently, at higher stakes.

7. Life is not black and white.

There are both conservative and liberal political views I agree with. I love southern food, southern culture and southern people, but I am a feminist, vegetarian. and that is OK. I don't have to fit into a box one way or another.

8. Whether people think I can hold my alcohol.

It's honestly a toss up, depending on what I'm drinking, how much I've eaten that day, how much I've slept, the speed at which I drink. Proving you can take shots without getting sloppy or that you really are a good time, is really not worth trying to prove.

9. Taking time off from work.

If you’re sick, stay home. Need a personal day or a vacation and have the leave time? Take it. No one think you’re bad at your job because you take time off to be a human. Just get your shit done and work hard when you're there. Work NEEDS to be a priority, but taking a day here and there to not infect the entire office does not make it seem like you don't value work.

10. My personal goals do not have to stay the same for my entire life.

Changing goals is not the same thing as failing.

11. I’m not as fit as I was at 18 because I’m not 18 anymore.

12. People don’t give you advice because they think you’re incompetent, they just want to help.

13. Starting a blog.

I never wanted to seem like I was writing from a place of “expertise” or from up on my high horse. My goal was actually completely the opposite—I wanted this blog to be a place where I challenged myself to learn more and reflect on it through writing. I think my self-deprecating tone may convey that, but I at the end of the day, I’m not forcing anyone to read this. So regardless of if I get 700 readers or 7, I will remind myself that I accomplished my goal if I learned.