I Got 99 Problems And The Dark Side Is One

All relationships have their ups and downs, but relationships with dark behaviors are what you should be worried about. Whether it’s a family member, a friend, or a stranger aversive behavior can happen in any type of relationship. The key to protecting yourself is knowing what signs, behaviors, and people to look for. In this post you will read about the worst kind of coworkers, friends, partners, roommates, and siblings.

The Overly Competitive Coworker

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Many people think that when they are finished with school they leave all the drama behind them. However, in most circumstances drama is just as prevalent in the work field as it was in high school. We’ve all had the annoying coworker, the best friend coworker, the keeps to themselves coworker, but when it comes to the dark side there’s the overly competitive coworker. This type of coworker will do anything to get ahead. “Someone who is overly competitive may try to sabotage other people and throw them under the bus” (Gross, 2016). Sabotage is considered dark behavior because it is intestinally trying to ruin the plans or destroy something. Being competitive in a work environment can sometimes be beneficial and help coworkers and yourself, but when competitiveness gets out of hand it can destroy trust, respect, and the overall coworker relationship. This behavior is one of the most harmful and most seen in the workplace. Working in sports, which is a very competitive field, I see this very frequently. For example, a coworker, who will not be names, purposely put my name on a project they did knowing that my boss would not be happy with the quality of work.

The Disrespectful Roommate

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Living with another person can be really hard, especially when you move 2 hours away from home and just want to be best friends. The first two to three weeks are always the best. You get to decorate your room and go to the cafeteria together, but then that all changes and you realize you are living with a person who could be the most disrespectful human on the face of the planet. It starts off with them borrowing clothes without asking, having people over on school nights, and then it turns into them completely disregarding the fact you live there. “All bad omens indicating that they don't care very much about your comfort in your own home” (Florio, 2015) This falls under the dark side because when being disrespectful becomes and very severe and frequent behavior it may cause the receiver to feel stressed or threatened.

The Cheater

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In romantic relationships many people would say that cheating is never ok and is wrong. And for those who say it’s ok, here’s why its considered dark behavior. Cheating can completely run relational intimacy and destroy and trust that has been formed in the relationship. Cheating on a significant other is also intentional and if it wasn’t it wouldn’t have happened. In America cheating is also seen as against the norms or how a relationship should work, though it happens very often it is still frowned upon. Berman also states that “behaviors change” (Berman, 2006, p. 42) when a person begins cheating on their partner. Their behavior changes from bright to dark which can lead to more dark behavior trying to cover up what they’ve done.

The Backstabbing Best Friend

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No friendship is perfect, but if your hanging out with your best friend reminds you of a real housewives episode you may want to reconsider your ability at picking friends. Friends are supposed to be there for you and support you, not talk behind your back and ruin your life. Similar to the competitive coworker the backstabber best friend may make everything a competition and continuously go after things that you want or have. “Friendships are definitely a two-way street” (Moore, 2016) which being selfish isn’t being a good friend. Backstabbing is categorized as being dark because it typically is not productive or appropriate.

The Aversive Adult Sibling

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As young children siblings tend to get along. They may fight and drive each other nuts, but for the most part they get along. This can change as each person develops their own beliefs, values, and thought processes. As we grow up we may drift apart and lose the relationship we had when we were kids. I personally argue with my brother about a lot more now being an adult then when were kids. When asked about their adult sibling relationships some answered that they were “ambivalent and ambiguous” (Geoffrey Greif Ph.D sept. 27th 2016.) This falls under the perceptions of aversivess and would be ambiguous behavior. So even though you may not think of your relationship with your sibling as dark or aversive there could be sings demonstrating that it is.

So What'd We Learn

Though many of these behaviors could be viewed as harmless, they could be gateway behavior to the dark side. After reading this I hope you have learned what to keep an eye out for and are cautious about your relationships. Whether you are questioning a romantic relationship or you’re living arrangements it is best to understand these behaviors and if possible remove yourself from the situations or try to make them better.

Referenecs

Berman, M. I. (2006). Implicit and self-reported motives for romantic relationship cheating (Order No. 3230149). Available from ProQuest Dissertations & Theses Global; Psychology Database. (305312138). Retrieved from http://cmich.idm.oclc.org/login?url=https://search.proquest.com/docview/305312138?accountid=10181

Florio, G. M. (2015, October 15). 9 signs you have a toxic roommate. Retrieved September

18, 2017, from https://www.bustle.com/articles/117011-9-signs-you-have-a-toxic-roommate

Greif, G. (2016, September 27). 5 key issues in difficult adult sibling relationships. Retrieved September 18, 2017, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/buddy-system/201609/5-key-issues-in-difficult-adult-sibling-relationships

Gross, E. L. (2016, February 12). 5 types of problem co-workers and how to (almost) deal with

them. Retrieved September 18, 2017, from https://www.careerbuilder.com/advice/5-types-of-problem-coworkers-and-how-to-almost-deal-with-them

Moore, C. (2016, August 22). 15 signs your bff is a backstabber. Retrieved September 18, 2017, from http://www.thetalko.com/15-signs-your-bff-is-a-backstabber/