1. Brit’s “Good Girls Go to Heaven” shirt
Which you will be wearing ironically, natch.
2. Alien’s Hawaiian shirt
You won’t be able to pull it off, but it’s going to be a lot of fun watching you try.
3. Candy’s horrifying bikini bottom
It’s like an angry neon giraffe, and I need it.
4. Cotty’s mesh top
Because it’s classy, and so are you.
5. Pastel booty shorts
For when you want to grab your friends’ asses, but also it’s Easter.
6. Literally everything on display here, minus the guns
Because it’s all perfect. And if your friends don’t get your hot new style, they’re not cool enough to hang with you. Go back to Bible study, nerds.
7. Robes of shame
They smell like bad choices and regret!
8. Jailhouse blankets
You don’t have to be arrested for narcotics possession to rock out with these cheap, uncomfortable blankets.
9. Cash-flavored breath freshener
Your kiss will taste like money, because you are money.
11. Cheap hair dye
Look just like your favorite Spring Breakers! Finally you can match Cotty’s truly putrid shade.
12. Alien’s grill
Should be flavored to taste like booze and weed for authenticity.
13. Alien’s dreads
Should smell like … well, you get the idea. Throw in some sand, too, because Florida.
14. Swimwear decorated with fake vomit
What better way to declare, “SPRING BREAK FOREVER, BITCHES.”
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