1.
1. PEOPLE AND THINGS YOU LOVE!
* Ending a relationship is hard and in times of darkness, you desperately need light. Grasp on to those special friends and family members – the ones who bring joy, support, laughter and keep you busy prying the bat to smash your ex's windows out of their hands that you don't have much time to spend in darkness. What do you love to do? After the break up:
* Watch the films you love (Avoid Nicholas Sparks at this time)
* Go to the clubs you love
* Do the hobby you love
* BONUS POINTS if it's something you've always wanted to do, but haven't done because of your ex relationship!
2. BE KIND TO YOURSELF! You've just experienced a break up sweetheart, realize that your heart was in something and it ended. Yes, you WILL recover, but it'll take time and it is important to allow yourself that time!
* After you the break up, acknowledge that the pain is here and hard, and to be honest, more may come because recovery is a process – you can feel better, then feel worse again, then feel a bit better, then get knocked back, because recovery is not often a straight forward journey and it happens at different paces for different people.
* You may hear a song, or find an old item of clothing, or have an annoying friend ask if you've seen the picture of your ex and their new partner (perhaps pre-warn your friends). This will hurt and you're allowed to cry and let the pain come, don't feel guilty about it. But don't let this throw you into the abyss along the road – expect it and accept it and know that even though with heartbreak it can get worse before it gets better – IT DOES GET BETTER!
3. DETOX TIME! This does not necessarily mean a detox from food (because obviously you may need those early days of ice cream and pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner – do you boo, boo). But a big part of recovering from a break up may mean detoxing from your ex.
* Delete (or block) them on Social Media
* Delete the cute '#bae' pics because they will not help
* Delete their number...
* PSA: drunk texting is a real thing – you are not immune! Detoxing from your ex after a break up can be especially hard if you see them at work, school, college etc (I went to a boarding school where I lived in the same dorm with several ex's – I get it). So in these situations a game plan is needed.
* Use a friend as a buffer
* Change you routine – e.g. have lunch with friends in a different location that's not so close to your ex
4. GO OUTSIDE & DO SOMETHING! It can sound like a lot of effort when your heartbroken to go out into the world, but being active and outside can get you out of your head and it forces you to spend less time dwelling in sadness and ore time getting fresh air.
* Take a walk with a friend
* Take a walk with your dog
* Go shopping
5. TREAT YO'SELF Yes, money can't buy happiness, but sometimes you need to a pick me up from yourself! You're newly single... go out and buy something new that will make you smile! Don't go crazy and buy a new car – but redecorate in a good way!
* Buy some new clothes,
* get some new sneakers,
* buy some new make up or lingerie just for you!
* Note: get friendly advice on new physical changes as emotions cloud judgment and a tattoo or hairdo gone wrong creates a whole new world of sadness (but at least you won't be thinking about your break up!)
6. FOOD & EXERCISE Once your early post break up binge days are over – get some food your body will thank you for!
You'll be amazed how much some natural healthy food and a good amount of water will leave you feeling full of energy and revitalized!
7. EXERCISE If after your relationship has ended you've been losing water from your eyes, losing more through sweat all over your body may sound like the last thing you want to do... but damn will it help!
* Endorphins are mood elevators!
* Exercise will help you feel stronger
* It will improve your overall health and peace of mind
* There's nothing better than running into your ex when your body looks even better!
8. MUSIC Had a irreconcilable fight? Been cheated on? Grew apart? Was Becky involved? Music ALWAYS has something for you to relate to. (Also workout to the angry and recovery songs and #7 on this list is sorted!) Post-Break Up Crying Phase Music:
* Avril Lavigne – 'When You're Gone'
* Mario - 'How Do I Breathe'
* Drake - 'Marvin's Room'
* The Script - 'Breakeven'
* Adele - 'Rolling In The Deep'
* Etta James - 'All I Could Do Was Cry'
* Whitney Houston - 'Where Do Broken Hearts Go'
* Passenger - 'Let Her Go'
* Taylor Swift - 'Last Kiss' Post Break Up Angry Phase Music:
* Beyonce - 'Don't Hurt Yourself'
* CeeLo Green - 'F*** You'
* Jazmine Sullivan - 'Bust The Windows'
* Eminem - 'Puke'
* Gotye - 'Somebody That I Used To Know'
* Green Day - 'Good Riddance'
* Kelis - 'Caught Out There'
* Fleetwood Mac – 'Go Your Own Way'
* Alanis Morissette - 'You Oughta Know' (Also check out Beyonce's Performance of 'If I Were A Boy/You Oughta Know')
* The All-American Rejects - 'Gives You Hell'
Post Break Up 'Over-You' Phase Music:
* Tom Waite - 'Ain't Missing You At All'
* Eamon - 'Fuck It (I Don't Want You Back)
* Destiny's Child - 'Survivor
* Taylor Swift - 'We Are Never Getting Back Together'
* Kelly Clarkson - 'Since You Been Gone'
* Beyonce - 'Sorry'
* Gloria Gaynor - 'I Will Survive'
* Beyonce - 'Irreplacable'
* Katy Perry - 'Part Of Me'
* Beyonce - 'Best Thing I Never Had'
In summary: After a break up – make a playlist because music's got you!
9. THE DO NOT'S
* Backslide and hook up with your ex. It may be tempting, but there is a reason you broke up. Whilst recovery is a journey of ups and downs, the only way you truly take a step back is to backslide. So after a break up it's safest to avoid intimate alone time (especially where alcohol is involved!)
* Binge on substances. We all need to hug a bottle of wine tight after heartbreak – I believe it's on the fineprint of the bottle. But be careful not to introduce even bigger problems into your life by developing a crutch or addiction to any sort of drugs. Being single is a time to make an even better you!
* Hook up only as a form recovery. It's great to get back out there and date because you deserve to get some! But be careful not to create a dependency on having a person in your life and not know how to be alone.
* Social Media stalk your ex. Because who are you helping? Not yourself for sure – and that's what matters.
EXTRA NOTE If this person cheated on you, remember, even if it doesn't feel like it you're already 10 times better off because you just had a scum filled tumor removed from your life... YAY YOU!!!
10.REMEMBER... The end of you and them is the beginning of you and YOU – and that is the best and most important relationship. Being newly single is a time to focus on yourself and self improvement and an opportunity to fall in love with yourself. When this happens you're a better person both for you and the next person you date, which means that they may even be better than expected because you will not allow yourself to settle for less than you deserve.
Louise Kahira
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