Do’s And Don’ts Of Hosting A Super Bowl Party
Super Bowl Sunday is upon us, folks. With that comes the beloved Super Bowl party.
The Super Bowl part is the polar opposite of its older, more preppy sibling – New Year’s Eve. These are arguably the two biggest house party days of the year; one is typically a black tie affair and the other can be attended in elastic band pants. Needless to say, I’m team Super Bowl.
When it comes to hosting family and friends for the big game, things can easily go array if you aren’t properly prepared.
Luckily for you, I have composed my do’s and don’ts to keep in mind for your Super Bowl party:
Invites
Do: If your favorite team isn’t in the game and you don’t care who wins, all are welcome. Just shut the fuck up during the commercials, I’d rather you talk about your shitty co-workers during the game action. I don’t want to miss out on a commercial that might give me all the feels.
Don’t:If your favorite team is in the game, then don’t invite a single person over who disagrees with your fandom. A Super Bowl party is not a democracy, bow down and agree with me or move on.
Do:Invite like-minded fans who will come over and talk about anything other than politics. Seriously – anything else.
Don’t: Try to mix and match personalities, you don’t want to mix your buddies who yell at the TV with a casual fan who doesn’t know who the starting quarterbacks are. That’s like serving both blue cheese and ranch with your wings – pick one.
Seating
Do: Cut off your invite list by the amount of seats available in your living room. You aren’t that popular. Get over yourself and be grateful if you can even put an ass on every one of your couch cushions.
Don’t: Overreach your limits and end up having guests sitting on a hardwood floor or on a barstool in your kitchen with a sweet side angle view unable to make out the score. This isn’t a popularity contest. If you put me on a group text with more people than I know you can comfortably accommodate than I’m not coming.
Cleaning
Do: I’m not asking you to disinfect the place, but there isn’t any reason why you can’t give the table tops, bathroom and any other common area that will be used a quick wipe down. We live in a society, people.
Don’t: Spray a little Febreze (If you do, go with the scent Hawaiian Aloha – you’re welcome) in the air and call it a day.
Alcohol
Do: Go balls to the wall. Super Bowl is once a year. Tax season is right around the corner so let’s pretend like you’ve already gotten your refund and put it to good use with a shopping cart full of booze. An old faithful light beer to please the crowd, a seasonal craft beer option for your bearded friends, clear liquor for the women, brown liquor for the men crossing their legs and wine for gossip crew.
Don’t: Serve only your homemade brew. That’s great that you have a hobby and all, I’m glad it gives you something to do on the weekends to avoid spending time with your family, but life’s too short to drink anything made in your friends unfinished garage.
Do: Make it BYOB. It’s a pain in the ass stocking up for everyone’s preferred drink of choice. A six-pack here and a bottle there quickly add up when you try to appease everyone.
Don’t: Serve up your very own bathtub gin. Prohibition ended in 1933 and thank god it did so we don’t have to drink your rubbing alcohol concoction.
Wings
Do: Get wings on the bone. There’s no two ways about it; football and drumsticks is a match made in heaven. Bonus points if you order consists of drumsticks only.
Don’ts: Get boneless wings. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good boneless wing; maybe even more than wings on the bone.
However, there is a time and a place for everything. The Super Bowl isn’t one of them for the boneless wing. If you’re worried about wings being messy and getting hot sauce on your furniture, then you shouldn’t be hosting a party to begin with.
Food Besides WingsTV Size
Do: Use this as an excuse to spend far too much on a TV the size of your wall. The Super Bowl is being played in Texas this year; everything should be bigger – including your TV.
Don’t: Waste my time with a TV that could be confused for my laptop screen. President Trump is expected to sign an executive order outlawing TVs smaller than 50″ prior to Sunday.
Enjoy the game and get to those wings quickly before the drum sticks are all gone!
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