6 Tips For Talking With Your Coworkers About Race
Awakened by the murder of George Floyd and the ensuing nationwide activism, companies have begun to recognize what many of us in the nonprofit sector have known for years – we cannot ignore race and equity and be good leaders. Leaders in some of the city’s largest and richest institutions are asking a variation of, “What is the best way to bring up recent racist events with our employees? I’m white and I want to acknowledge what’s happening without offending people.”
I am a vocally antiracist white woman who has been doing the work of antiracism professionally for the better part of the last decade. Each day I learn how much I still must learn; I will never be an expert. This is not an easy topic, but it is a necessary one. Many of us who have not personally felt the pain of racism have enjoyed the privilege of not having to engage in these challenging conversations. It can be terrifying to begin the dialogue and our immediate instinct may be to avoid or become defensive. This conversation is too important to avoid. I hope the tips below will give you the courage to do what is necessary.
1. You are a white person in a position of power.
Never forget the multitude of privileges this offers you, including the privilege to talk about racism when it’s relevant to you. Chances are, the majority of your colleagues in positions of power are also white. This is a symptom of institutional racism in your workplace and structural racism within your field. Will you take responsibility for a deep dive into understanding what systems are in place and working to dismantle them?
2. Don’t make assumptions.
Ask people how they are feeling. Don’t assume that all people of color feel exactly the same way. Be careful not to tell anyone how they should feel. The best thing you can do right now is listen and validate everyone’s feelings.
3. Focus on the ism at hand.
Nine of out ten times that white people join a conversation about race, we try to make it about any ism other than racism. We’ll talk about feminism, homophobia, the Holocaust, and our Italian or Irish immigrant grandparents – anything but race. With the best of intentions, we try to empathize with people of color by sharing our own experiences of feeling discriminated against because of our identity. Do not do this. If you are intending to have a conversation about race, have the conversation about race and refrain from sharing your story of being the only woman at a board meeting with ten men. I’ve been there and it’s tough, but that’s not what we’re talking about right now.
4. Acknowledge your discomfort, but don’t ask to be coddled.
A coworker reminded me recently that black and brown people walk into rooms in which they are uncomfortable every single day. Most of us have no idea what that feels like. This conversation is going to be uncomfortable for you for a long time. If it isn’t, you’re probably not doing it right. Get over your discomfort and do it anyway. I suggest you role model the vulnerability you’re asking of others by acknowledging that you aren’t sure what to say, and the conversation is important to you so you want to create the space for it despite your uncertainty. Please, do not ask people of color in the room for feedback or guidance – teaching you right now is not their burden to bear. Nobody is going to pat you on the head and tell you that you’re a good white person, so please stop expecting it.
5. This is not going to be checked off your to-do list.
People of color have spent lifetimes and generations withstanding the trauma and pain of racism. You cannot solve it in today’s staff meeting. Be prepared to keep the dialogue open and continue to create the space in your workplace for the conversation. Refrain from offering solutions. Just listen. Listen for as long as it takes for people of color to feel heard and seen… and then listen some more. I'm sure you're eager to "do something" - remember that having the conversation itself is a change and it is part of the "doing". Do not rush to action until you deeply understand the problem to be solved. Please also do not place the burden of problem solving on the people of color on your team by asking them to immediately identify policies that should be changed. That’s a great intention – save it for after you have truly listened. Ask your teammates to tell you about a time they experienced racism in the workplace. Over time, there will be actionable items that come up naturally from the discussion and you can dive into them together. Then be prepared to go back to listening.
6. Be kind to yourself and learn from your mistakes.
You will say the wrong thing with the best intentions. Trust me, I’ve been there and will be there again. Be sincerely apologetic and vulnerable, be kind to yourself, forgive yourself, and try again until you have the impact you intended.
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