It‘s always the same. Saturday evening, all your plans are cancelled, because your friend Marc decided to fly to Greece for the weekend, you watched everything on Netflix and Amazon Prime and honestly: You are a bit horny.
So, you go on that one (or three) dating app(s) and try to find someone who has the features you like. While you go through too big noses, too little noses, tattoos, piercings and that one dude who has a photo with bongos, you find that one person, who is not exactly what you pictured but decent looking. After a little texting, you decide to meet at your place and then this person is standing at the door.
1. “Yeah, the pics are a bit older.“
The minute you open the door, you see, that someone has used other pictures of theirself. Yes, social media (and especially dating apps) are about showing the best of yourself, but when you are 52, you cannot post a photo of you, when you were 29. When asked, the person will reply with “I just got these photos on my phone, but i wanted to upload new ones soon.“ Soon = never.
2. “Let‘s do it.“
When you open the door, the person storms right in, without saying “Hello!“, goes through to the bedroom and sits on it. You didn‘t had the time to even close the door, when that person yells at you to start ‘this‘ thing, because they have still something to do. When you finally go in the bedroom, they are naked, have already begun and in their head are thinking about the appointment they next have. More work than fun.
3. “That is so much fun.“
This person seems like the second type, but without the rush. They knock on the door, come in and pretend to small talk but all they give you is “Yeah.“, “Hmm.“, “Right.“ in a monotone, absent way. When It finally begins, the person is there with one side of their brain and with the other they are thinking about how much an UBER would cost to the next ‘Chipotle‘. It would have been more fun with the bongo dude.
4. “We should do this another time.“
Then there is the person, that is pretty much the best. They are good-looking, nice, not in a rush, welcoming and good in bed. But, (there‘s always a but) they don‘t understand what a ONE-Night-Stand is. After you finished they ask, when you two should meet up again and who is gonna call who and, and, and.
Surely, you could be the lucky one and have that one in a million hook-up, who is what you want, when you want and mostly how you want it. But you should always remember, maybe you are one of these hook-ups for the other one.
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