12 Reasons Jack Dawson Would Actually Make A Terrible Boyfriend

I see through your web of lies.

1. He plays mind games.

And they’ll work on you EVERY SINGLE TIME. So unfair.

2. His job will forever cause suspicion. And you can’t say anything because it’s “art.”

Any profession that requires your partner to look at other naked women is going to be a guaranteed source of paranoia. Oh, what, you think because he drew you naked, he’ll never draw anyone else? The man walks around with a book full of naked ladies.

3. He parties pretty hardcore.

How long can you really keep up with this?

4. He’s a total dreamer.

Meaning he always follows and acts on what his heart says. Which leads to…

5. He’s non-committal.

This is not the kind of lifestyle conducive to healthy relationships. Jack might like the idea of settling down, but the right to flight will creep up on him.

6. Jack is a user of “the neg.”

“Negging” is a pickup tactic wherein a man gives a woman a backhanded compliment — something that borders on an insult — that prompts the woman to defend herself or ask why the man would say such a thing. It has been popularized by horrible “pickup artists” and needs to stop.

7. He has an inflated ego.

It will embarrass you.

8. He’s too much of a risk-taker.

There’s a good chance he’d gamble away your life savings. Or put it all into some get-rich-quick scheme and before you know it, you’re pushing phone cards on all your friends.

9. Getting Jack to quit smoking would put you through hell.

How many times will we go through this?

10. He’ll always win you over with charm.


One minute you’re in a fight with him about all the things, the next, dude is kissing your hand and making you all melty, thereby circumventing the whole conflict. And leaving all the things unresolved.

11. He’ll blind you with love.

I mean. Cal is a dick and all, but must we be willing to call ourselves whores?

12. He’ll make promises he can’t keep. What does “never let go” even mean??? Let go of what?

Either way, I wouldn’t wait around for another text from Mr. Dawson.

OMG, j/k, I take it all back.

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