This post contains discussion of child abuse.
Parenting is hard — and it's even harder to combat all the misconceptions and bad advice that orbits around being a parent.
Redditor u/BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT recently asked the people of Reddit, "What's a disproven parenting myth that way too many people still believe?" Some of these are bound to be controversial:
1. "That there is anything even remotely approaching a consensus on best practices when it comes to raising a child. I've only been a parent for five months, and the sheer volume of confident, authoritative, and completely contradictory advice I've received has been staggering. As best as I can tell, just work on keeping them healthy, secure, and loved, and try to muddle your way through as best you can on the rest."
2. "That nonverbal kids don’t understand what you say."
—u/Kwyjibo68
3. "You can spoil a newborn. Their brain is still quite underdeveloped, and by refusing to answer their calls, you can give them self-regulation issues as they develop without that safety in processing new stimuli."
4. "Dads are no more than babysitters. It's been 20+ years since I was a single father, but the attitudes toward men and parenthood haven't changed as much as they should have. Don't ask a dad if he is giving mom a break today. Don't assume dad doesn't know how to settle down their child. Don't stare at dad at the park when dad is there with his kid(s). And for God's sake, can businesses install a change table in the men's washroom!"
—u/keiths31
5. "Throwing a cup of cold water in the face of a child who is having a tantrum will not end it. My mother did it to us as children, and it only ever escalated the situation. The kid is still screaming, now also scared, crying, and soaked. Who the fuck thought this was a good idea?"
6. "That all parents, specifically mothers, have an instinct that will kick in eventually and your child will be your world. Mine told me from a very early age that I wasn't the kid she'd wanted — I was ugly, fat, whatever. I finally ended things completely this year when she told me she's always hated me and never wanted me. I needed the closure. She made my life hell, especially since she had two kids after me that she loves. My daughter hasn't ever been shouted at, hurt, or made to feel like less than the wonderful person she is. I suppose I can thank my mother for showing me how not to be."
—u/earthtomanda
7. "That daughters are nightmares and sons are so easy to raise. The really disturbing part is that women seem to believe this more than men."
8. "That kids are resilient and will get over stuff without it correctly being addressed. No, we remember everything in our tiny and impressionable brains."
9. "That a quiet child is a happy child. My son's class is filled with iPad children, and my God, do they all have about as much happiness and charisma as a sack of dead puppies."
10. "That staying together for the kids is healthy. All it does is model unhealthy relationships for the child(ren), and they'll grow up thinking it's normal for spouses to hate each other, fight, yell, etc...."
11. "That love, respect, and fear are the same thing. They're fucking not."
—u/LaliMaia
12. "This destructive myth that we are OWED respect and love from our kids — NOPE! They are attached to us, yes, but love and respect are earned. Fear is not respect, and guilt is not love. We chose to have kids; they had no say in the matter. It is incumbent upon us to reach them by mirroring the behaviors we value."
13. "That a child shouldn’t be exposed to a second (or third) language until having mastered their native language. I’ve heard this so many times from people who have no idea about multilingualism."
—u/lrbdad626
14. "That making your children hold hands (after they've been fighting with each other) will bring them closer together. More often than not, it will drive them further apart and precipitate resentment."
—u/DEVILDORIGHT
15. "That it is OK to hit your child."
16. "That autism is caused by vaccines."
17. "That you only have to put up with them for 18 years, and can kick them out as an adult. Maybe millennial parents forgot how traumatic that was. Kids today can't survive without financial support, at least. Parents, listen up: KIDS ARE A LIFETIME COMMITMENT. YOU NEVER GET TO CUT OFF YOUR CHILD UNLESS YOUR ACTUAL LIFE DEPENDS UPON IT!!!!!"
18. "That sugar makes your child hyper before bedtime."
