Ever hear someone say something so absurd that you can't help but think, They actually said that?
1. "'Aren’t you a bit too old to have a grandma?' From a neighbor when I told her my grandma just passed away."
2. "'You seem sad.' My mother to my sister at her husband's funeral."
3. "With a hefty storm approaching England, a politician advised those in its path that they should maybe leave and go to their second or third homes to be safe."
4. "My dad (who is now the director of accounting for the school district I teach for) was talking about how my starting pay was way more than his starting pay. I said, 'Well, yeah...the cost of living has increased a ton since then.' This motherfucker straight-up said, 'No it hasn't.' He started working there in 1992. This conversation happened in like 2017 (about a year after I started working there). Again, he is the director of accounting."
5. "When people were complaining about not being able to afford housing, food, and living in general, one of the Dutch party leaders said something along the lines of, 'Well, find a rich boyfriend, then.' Ah, yes, that will solve the crisis!"
6. “'I don’t know why people get big mortgages. Just save up for a few months and pay cash for a starter home!'”
7. "'Rent is so expensive. You should buy a triplex and rent the other units out instead.' Ma'am, triplexes cost about a million. How on Earth am I supposed to get approval for that if rent is an issue for me?"
8. "I went to an Ivy League college with lots of children of extraordinarily wealthy families. When discussing inequality and its effects on housing, my professor briefly mentioned how mortgages are out of reach for a growing number of Americans. The girl next to me stopped the class and with a confused face asked the professor why people don’t just buy their homes in cash outright because 'surely the interest means it will cost them more over time.' The professor was dumbfounded. I found out later that she's the heir to a major luxury brand that you have all heard of."
9. "'You should just go door-to-door to see if they’re hiring. And don’t take no for an answer! You need to call every day so they’ll remember you!' Courtesy of my mother, who last worked in the 1980s."
10. "The wife of the business owner complaining to the employees about how she’s underpaid for working there. She literally owns the building, and her family makes $300,000–$500,000 profit a year — all while underpaying the rest of the staff."
11. "I was waxing a woman’s eyebrows once, and she was complaining that sometimes, after she gets a massage, the pillow leaves a circular indent on her face and she can’t go out to lunch after. She then asked me if that ever happened to me. I was like, 'Ma'am, I wax people for $11 an hour. I’m not going out to lunch, LOL, let alone getting massages.'"
12. "A guy in college was trying to find common ground with us when we were discussing how difficult it’s been paying for college: 'I don’t have college debt, but my parents are forcing me to only choose two new Apple product upgrades this year instead of three.'"
13. "A friend once told he for sure doesn’t want to have kids. In the next sentence, he talked about how clever he was because he can use a condom two times. He just rolls it on the other side and he's ready to go again. I died laughing on the floor because he was dead serious and couldn’t see the mistake."
14. "My boss once told me to have 'the maid' drop my car at the shop. WTF!"
15. "Coworker: 'You'll be able to buy a home once you get your inheritance.' Me: 'I won't have an inheritance, my family isn't well off.' Coworker: 'Of course you have an inheritance. Everyone's parents leave them an inheritance. I'm sure they're just keeping it a secret from you to surprise you.' Said to me by a coworker whose parents are both doctors, while my mom had recently been laid off and my dad was too sick to work."
16. "'People in the slums have the same chances and opportunities as everyone else' — with absolutely no freakin' clue how poverty crushes the soul."
17. "I don't remember exactly what she said, but my coworker was having a conversation with an older board member about housing being so expensive. The board member complained that millennials don't know how to save money, and talked about how she freezes leftovers instead of getting takeout as an example of being financially responsible. Years later, I still think about the boomer with a lakeside property who thinks we just need to save our leftovers to afford a home."
18. "'What do you mean, you've never vacationed in the South of France?'"
19. "'A police officer cannot commit a crime. Since crime requires premeditation, and police are charged with law enforcement, they cannot, by definition, premeditate to commit a crime. What a police officer does in the course of their job can never be considered criminal activity.' This was the argument handed to me by our local police chief in response to my organization's police reform project."
And finally...
20. "'If gas prices are too high for you, just buy an electric car.'"
Have your own? See you in the comments!
Note: Some of these responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.