Sometimes, we know we're not being treated well by someone else — but it's hard to find self-validation in how we feel, especially if we question whether our feelings are legitimate at all.
U/_kevx_91 recently asked the people of Reddit, "What is abusive, but not widely recognized as abuse?" Hopefully, these answers can make some people feel less alone — and maybe they'll help others be better people in the process, too:
1. "Using therapy speak to try and demonize anyone who inconveniences you."
—u/AstralFinish
2. "Encouraging someone's destructive behaviors."
—u/xeroonethree
3. "Putting the pressure of huge expectations on a child and then telling everyone that all of these dreams are the child's dreams, even though they're obviously yours."
4. "Parents that are super controlling and won't let their children make age-appropriate decisions."
5. "Withholding life skills from your offspring to keep them insecure and dependent."
—u/doublestitch
6. "Using guilt to manipulate the people closest to you. My grandmother can send my mom into such darkness with a swift and stinging comment. I hate to see it, and it is absolutely abusive."
7. "Not allowing your children to show unhappy emotions."
8. "Calling your partner vulgar or offensive names in arguments. So many people believe that this is normal couples' behavior."
9. "Taking a kid's door. They will have privacy and control issues for life. Deny your kid any semblance of privacy, and they will become excellent at hiding things from you. It's a power-play punishment, and not an instructive one...at least, not in the way parents hope. It's especially backward-headed when used as a punishment for hiding things from the parents, as it reinforces that things must be hidden better."
10. "The silent treatment."
—u/pierreandjr
11. "Shutting down someone's emotions and telling them they are invalid or don't matter."
12. "Parental alienation — telling lies to children about their other parent. It really screws with kids' heads."
—u/TangoTwo
13. "When you come home in a bad mood and take it out on your family. They didn't do anything, and they love you! Don't fuck it up with the name-calling and yelling. Talk to them instead or ask if you can just be left alone."
—u/Martian_Pres
14. "Controlling someone's finances."
15. "Parentification of a child, usually the eldest child. In fiction, especially kids’ shows where the parents are absent, it’s usually the eldest kid who looks after the younger siblings."
—u/cindybubbles
16. "Trying to shame or gaslight someone out of their own aspirations or pursuing their own happiness due to your own insecurities and jealousy."
17. "Forcing children to hug and kiss relatives when they clearly don't want to."
18. "Telling someone that they did not hear or see what they did. It makes them question their memory and sanity — just so you don’t look bad."
—u/lalabrat
19. "Elder abuse, especially when it's one elderly spouse abusing the other. It's like the entire medical system and society is blind to it."
—u/Moos_Mumsy
20. "Rage driving. Intentionally driving fast and recklessly to frighten passengers."
—u/fasac17975
Have your own additions? Feel free to add them in the comments.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.