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    Why Are People So Romantic About Baseballs?

    A common phrase goes under the microscope.

    Baseballs. I don't know, guys.

    Shannon Stapleton / Reuters

    Sure, they're cool and all: you can throw them; you can hit them; you can catch them with a Frankensteinian leather glove apparatus.

    Rob Carr / Getty Images

    But why are people SO romantic about baseballs?

    Bob Levey / Getty Images

    That's a pretty popular phrase. I think. "How Can You Not Be Romantic About Baseballs?" It's from a film, or something. Maybe a Ken Burns documentary?

    Carlos Osorio / AP

    Whatever. Just, like — look at them. Are they really that romantic?

    Gregory Bull / AP

    I'm not about to buy my girlfriend a baseball. I don't even HAVE a girlfriend. (Thanks, Obaseball.)

    Steve Nesius / Reuters

    Imagine buying your girlfriend or boyfriend a baseball. "Hey babe, I just got back from the Baseball Store. Baseballs, 20% off. As romantic as you can get."

    Gregory Bull / AP

    He/she would be like, "Shut your gd mouth, I'm watching Pretty Little Liars."

    Mark Duncan / AP

    And then you'd take the baseball and set it on the walnut nightstand from Ikea, the Skůrgssss, hoping he/she'll find it when he/she comes in for bed and then, inspired by your romanticism, will read to you from Milan Kundera.

    Carlos Osorio / AP

    But you fall asleep before PLL is even over, and when you wake up the next morning, a copy of The Lovely Bones has knocked the baseball off the Skůrgssss.

    J. Meric / Getty Images

    You're pretty sure your girlfriend/boyfriend would leave you for Alice Sebold, given the chance. That time when he/she was reading Alice Sebold's book while you guys had sex — that's when you got the idea.

    Charlie Neibergall / AP

    It just seems sort of arbitrary. Why "romantic"?

    Charlie Neibergall / AP

    Why not "stoic"? "How can you not be stoic about baseballs?" makes more sense.

    Jerry Holt/Minneapolis Star Tribune/MCT

    This picture fills me so full of stoicism that I might go and stare down a yak, just because it's there.

    Jerry Holt/Minneapolis Star Tribune/MCT

    Yak's like, "OK bro, damn you stoic."

    Ralph D. Freso / Reuters

    And I'm like, deal with it, yak, it's the gd baseballs.

    Matt Slocum / AP

    You've got to be stoic, because if you're not, you might flinch when a baseball breaks your orbital bone.

    Charlie Riedel / AP

    All the other kids are like, "omg, look at Kelvin, little Kelvy broke his orbital bone on a flying baseball and he's trying to cry but he can't because his face is all gnarly."

    Matt Slocum / AP

    "Sorry about your dumb face, Kelvin."

    Charlie Riedel / AP

    This never happened to me.

    Chris O'Meara / AP

    Anyway, screw baseballs, they're just gross nuggets of leather and cork with ugly red stitching.

    Chris O'Meara / AP

    Wait, what? It's not "baseballs"? Then what is it?

    Charlie Neibergall / AP

    Ohhhhh, it's "How can you not be romantic about BASEBALL?"

    Carlo Allegri / Reuters

    ...

    ...

    *disappears in a puff of smoke*