Sure, they're cool and all: you can throw them; you can hit them; you can catch them with a Frankensteinian leather glove apparatus.
But why are people SO romantic about baseballs?
That's a pretty popular phrase. I think. "How Can You Not Be Romantic About Baseballs?" It's from a film, or something. Maybe a Ken Burns documentary?
Whatever. Just, like — look at them. Are they really that romantic?
I'm not about to buy my girlfriend a baseball. I don't even HAVE a girlfriend. (Thanks, Obaseball.)
Imagine buying your girlfriend or boyfriend a baseball. "Hey babe, I just got back from the Baseball Store. Baseballs, 20% off. As romantic as you can get."
He/she would be like, "Shut your gd mouth, I'm watching Pretty Little Liars."
And then you'd take the baseball and set it on the walnut nightstand from Ikea, the Skůrgssss, hoping he/she'll find it when he/she comes in for bed and then, inspired by your romanticism, will read to you from Milan Kundera.
But you fall asleep before PLL is even over, and when you wake up the next morning, a copy of The Lovely Bones has knocked the baseball off the Skůrgssss.
You're pretty sure your girlfriend/boyfriend would leave you for Alice Sebold, given the chance. That time when he/she was reading Alice Sebold's book while you guys had sex — that's when you got the idea.
It just seems sort of arbitrary. Why "romantic"?
Why not "stoic"? "How can you not be stoic about baseballs?" makes more sense.
This picture fills me so full of stoicism that I might go and stare down a yak, just because it's there.
Yak's like, "OK bro, damn you stoic."
And I'm like, deal with it, yak, it's the gd baseballs.
You've got to be stoic, because if you're not, you might flinch when a baseball breaks your orbital bone.
All the other kids are like, "omg, look at Kelvin, little Kelvy broke his orbital bone on a flying baseball and he's trying to cry but he can't because his face is all gnarly."
"Sorry about your dumb face, Kelvin."
This never happened to me.
Anyway, screw baseballs, they're just gross nuggets of leather and cork with ugly red stitching.
Wait, what? It's not "baseballs"? Then what is it?
Ohhhhh, it's "How can you not be romantic about BASEBALL?"
