The Five Steps In A Perfect Nose-Pick

This is some innovative — no, REVOLUTIONARY — nose-picking.

1. Step One: Get on national TV. Say, the Knicks-Trail Blazers game. Bonus points if you’re a silver fox.

2. Step Two: Start going in. Wiggle around a bit. Really be aggressive.

3. Step Three: Go back at it. Finish the damn job.

4. Step Four: Inspect your findings. Raise your eyebrows in appreciation. “Damn. Who knew THAT was in my nostrils?”

5. And finally, Step Five: Wink.

6. Let’s say it right now: this man is a legend. He is a hero. I don’t know who he is, or what he wants, but I do know that I want to meet him one day, and probably give him a fist bump, because I’m not sure about shaking that hand.

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