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A Frame-By-Frame Breakdown Of The Worst Baseball Slide Ever Attempted

To even call this a slide seems dishonest, but hey: Kelly Shoppach got the first steal of his career!

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During today's Boston Red Sox — Tampa Bay Rays game, Sox catcher Kelly Shoppach pulled off a truly bizarre, deranged slide. It sort of comes in three acts, each with its own narrative arc; remarkably ends with Shoppach safe on base; and is unlike anything you've ever seen before.

Deadspin has video of the "slide," but we've broken down the tape frame-by-frame to analyze the critical moments.