Rajon Rondo, Celtics point guard and well-adjusted extraterrestrial, got tossed from yesterday’s playoff game against the Atlanta Hawks after making intentional contact with an official. He could be in line for a suspension, though the league has yet to decide; the rulebook says that an ejection like his merits the suspension, but there could be enough uncertainty in his little chest bump that the NBA might use to try and avoid keeping him out.
Either way, it was weird, and it’s worth trying to understand what Rajon might’ve been thinking when he took things to the next level.
3. “Look at KG scrambling for that ball. I’ll stay up here. I don’t really like wood.”
4. “A foul? Ref, it’s not our fault that the basketball grew hair. … That’s Josh Smith’s head? Oh.”
5. “Josh Smith’s head? The basketball? Easy mistake! They’re both round. WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS.”
6. “Let’s clap it out. Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap yr hands”
7. “Dude, I’m going to take your couch and eat it and then cover your entire living room in rice pudding and then read to your dog from the Communist Manifesto.”
8. “DON’T YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON ME. Which part upset you? Don’t want me reading to your dog?”
9. “DON’T YOU MAKE THAT T-SIGN WITH YOUR HANDS. I’ve never really figured out what that means, but it always bothers me. Bad things happen afterward.”
10. “How about we settle this like men? Play a little chess? Tetherball?”
11. “I probably shouldn’t touch you, though.”
12. “Whatever, I’m gonna touch you.”
13. “Feel those pecs? Like a side of beef, right? That’s what happens when you bench-press motorcycles.”
14. “OK, I’m going to leave, this is stupid. I’ve got tickets to ‘Rent’ anyway.”
15. “Wait — you’re throwing me out? I was leaving! What the heck? You think I bumped you and then expected to stay in the game?!”
16. “All right, I’m going to fill your car with cement.”
17. “Try driving a car filled with cement. With jelly donuts for tires.”
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