71 Thoughts I Had Watching "The Exorcist" For The First Time
The power of Christ compels you. And this movie.
Obviously some crazy stuff is about to go down.
1. This starts in Northern Iraq?
2. Is this the right movie?
3. Yes, I saw the title card.
4. Okay, well it makes sense that the creepy stuff would come from ruins.
5. Let's just stop digging around there.
6. "This is strange." Then let's stop touching it.
7. This archaeologist is going to die.
8. Look how shaky his hands are. He's going down soon. These other old guys know it too.
9. Evil against evil. Is that foreshadowing?
10. Those horses almost got him. Death escape no. 1.
11. Men almost shot him. Death escape no. 2.
12. Don't go back to the ruins by yourself. This is a death wish.
13. Okay, back to America.
14. Why do people always follow the strange noises? That's when you hide under your covers.
15. Oh. There's the crazy daughter. And her window was open. It got her already, I know it.
16. Is the mom a young Ellen Burstyn?
17. She looks the same now.
18. She’s aged well. What's her secret?
19. Who's this priest that was watching her film?
20. Is her being an actress going to make it harder for people to believe that her daughter is going crazy?
21. I enjoy the 70s scary music much more than today's.
22. Regan is much more adorable than I imagined. Though, I've only seen her possessed version before.
23. Regan wants a horse. #firstworldproblems
24. I felt like people were going to start singing Skid Row from Little Shop of Horrors while the priest was walking home.
25. This really isn't the vibe I thought this movie was going to have.
26. We're going to take a really dark turn somewhere.
27. STOP. NOT A OUIJA BOARD.
28. DONT PLAY IT TOGETHER.
29. You're asking for this.
30. Captain Howdy. Oh god. I quit.
31. She's been on the line for 20 minutes and she's mad? Try being on the phone with your cable to get HBO. You've just lost a whole afternoon.
32. I'd hate to be the operator dealing with her.
33. "My bed was shaking." Here we go.
34. How about we don't go into the creepy attic alone?
35. And the lights aren't working. Of course.
36. Holy shit, that flame made my heart jump.
37. This priest also boxes? He's giving me strange vibes.
38. Way to bring down a party Regan. Talking about death and peeing on the ground.
39. Karras' dream makes me feel like I'm in the twilight zone.
40. Regan getting shots is how I feel inside when I get shots. #youfuckinbastard
41. I'm cringing. Could you imagine a time without anesthesia?
42. Regan's convulsions look like how I feel when someone wakes me up early on the weekend.
43. I need Chris to get it together. I know this shit is crazy, but your screaming isn't helping.
44. A silent house is never a good thing.
45. Also, seeing your breath in your house is never a good thing.
46. Chris throws so much shade when it's announced Burke is dead. She couldn't care less. Stop wasting her time.
47. "Is there someone inside you?" "Sometimes." Isn't that everybody's answer? Just in a different context?
48. Karras never seems to be doing priest things. Just working out.
49. Even though I know there was never an Othello with Groucho Marx and Debbie Reynolds, I still had to Google it to make sure. What a film that would've been.
50. Someone needs to get Regan some Chapstick pronto!
51. The doctors suggest the exorcism? Isn't that a whole science vs. religion conflict?
52. Whoa that went from 1 to 10 real fast with the whole "let Jesus fuck you" shit.
53. Well, it isn't easy to bring an exorcism into casual conversation.
54. Karras' face when he walks into the house.
55. OMG Regan's case has gotten so serious so fast. Get the devil out of that girl.
56. Ew that green vomit was so gross.
57. Is that what inspired Nickelodeon to create slime? If so, I will never look at that the same way again.
58. Is the devil trying to make jokes?!
59. The Devil's voice kind of sounds like a crazy Jack Nicholson mixed with Ursula from The Little Mermaid.
60. Karras jumped at his phone ringing like I jump at my phone ringing during any scary movie.
61. YOU DONT KNOW IF IT’S GENUINE?! HER STOMACH JUST SPELLED OUT “HELP ME."
62. Oh here's the iconic shot on the foggy street.
63. The language on this devil. Smh
64. *Wingardium Leviosa* and the bed goes up
65. That's a Gene Simmons tongue she got in her now.
66. She's going to need some Advil for her neck after that head spin.
67. The exorcist didn't even flinch when she took down Karras.
68. Did she kill the priest?! Talk about sinning.
69. Wow the devil can transfer bodies fast.
70. She won’t remember a thing? Okay, but this girl is still going to need mad therapy when she’s older.
71. Well, that was something.
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