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28 Ryan Reynolds Tweets About Parenting That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

"Went to Disneyland because my daughter's obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her."

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1. When he explained the solar system.

On our 6am walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it's in heaven, visiting daddy's freedom.

2. When he surprised his daughter with the happiest place on earth.

Went to Disneyland because my daughter's obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.

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3. When he was distraught over letting her go on her own for the first time.

Damn it's hard letting your infant daughter go somewhere alone for the first time. I was a total mess dropping her off at Burning Man.

4. When he decorated her nursery.

The mobile above my daughter's crib is just a whole bunch of NuvaRings. So she remembers how lucky she is.

5. When he encouraged healthy eating.

It's important kids eat 5 servings of vegetables daily. Even if childhood is just a dress-rehearsal for extraordinary adult suffering.

6. And realized his daughter's brilliant taste in food.

This morning, my daughter said, "quiche" which means she's smart, hungry and an asshole.

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7. When he discovered beautiful new things about her each and every day.

Put the baby down in her crib tonight. She scrunched her nose so cute, giggled, then turned into thousands of bats.

8. When he got his apps confused.

Tinder isn't a babysitting app. Apologies to Crystal and Janine for the misunderstanding.

9. When he discovered her excellent taste in music...

My daughter love the @MileyCyrus song, "We Can't Stop" because she thinks it's about cutting the brake lines on my car.

10. ...and also superb taste in films.

I watched Frozen without my two year old this morning. Despair reveals itself in many forms.

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11. When he envisioned a great future career path.

Healthy Parenting Tip No. 34: Get the child into showbiz as soon as possible.

12. When he shared his love of children's books.

No matter which kids book I read to my screaming baby on an airplane, the moral of the story is always something about a vasectomy.

13. When he reflected on his past.

Being a father is the single greatest feeling on earth. Not including those wonderful years I spent without a child, of course.

14. When he was a proud father.

Proud of my baby daughter placing last in her old-timey, bare-knuckle street fighting class. Congrats to her 31 year old opponent, Rick.

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15. When he bought his daughter gifts.

My infant daughter's traumatized for life. 50 Shades of Grey = Worst fucking coloring book ever.

16. When he took responsibility.

Being a father means responsibility. Not just for your main family, but also the secret one in Denmark nobody knows about.

17. When he kicked off his career as a children's book author.

I'm writing a children's book in "all caps" so people know to yell.

18. When he shared his joy of road trips.

What's better than a 12 hour drive with a screaming 1 year old? Not including hepatitis.

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19. And supported his daughter's adventurous side.

Totally caved and tossed my daughter the keys to the car. She looked really happy as they bounced off her tiny infant face.

20. When he was thankful.

Happy birthday to my baby girl! Sad I lost my virginity. But thankful I have a daughter.

21. When he highlighted the importance of breaks...

Tip: It's important parents take little "time outs" for themselves too. Even if you feel pretty guilty when you return 14 years later.

22. ...and family responsibilities.

My daughter just sneezed into my yawning mouth. Seemed really fucking pleased with herself. Joke's on her. She'll have to bury me someday.

23. When he did his daily diaper duty.

After this morning's diaper, my daughter finally earned the teardrop tattoo on her face.

24. When he became a songwriter.

Love writing nursery rhymes for my daughter. Her favorites are, "Sunshine-Cuddle-Time!" and "Everyone You Know Will Eventually Die."

25. When he taught her new skills.

Surprisingly easy to teach a baby to swipe right.

26. When he risked it all.

I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair.

27. And found a daily mantra.

Nothing better than spending an entire morning staring into my baby daughter's eyes, whispering, "I can't do this".

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