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Celebrity

17 Times Jake Gyllenhaal Was So Perfect It Was Actually Painful

Happy 34th birthday, Jake! May you keep torturing us all with your beautiful, beautiful soul.

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1. When his body looked like an actual statue carved out of marble:

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Dear god.

2. When he did this thing with his tongue:

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*grabs 15 inhalers*

3. When he was the best shirtless Santa you've ever seen in your whole life:

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~Happy holidays~ 🎅

4. When he had the most beautiful ab profile you've ever laid eyes on:

Thank you, Jesus.

5. When he seductively sipped on some alcohol and you were like, "yes, I would like a drink. Thank you."

6. When he literally had the most perfect beard and hair situation and you wanted to freeze him in this moment forever:

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I MEAN HOW IS THIS EVEN REAL.

7. This. When all of this happened.

8. When he tried calming us down about the fact that he'll never be ours 😔:

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Still beautiful, though.

9. When he gave this coy smile and you started to have heart palpitations:

10. When this was his ~cuddling in bed~ look:

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"Hi, Jake Gyllenhaal? Yes. I'd like to reserve your cuddling services for this Saturday at 9pm."

11. When he looked like one giant piece of hard-rock muscle and you straight up lost the ability to function:

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There are truly NO WORDS.

12. When he giggled so sweetly that it made your insides melt:

13. When he was ~thug~ Jake G and you were here for all of it:

14. When his snarky smile made your knees quiver:

15. When he licked his lips and you weren't sure you knew how to breathe anymore:

16. When he stared at his lover and it was sexy as hell:

17. When you got to imagine what'd it'd be like to FaceTime his beautiful soul:

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Which would only last about 5 seconds because you'd collapse as soon as you answered your phone.

God bless you, Jake. 34 has never looked so good.

Getty Images Cindy Ord
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