An Introduction to Boyfriend Syndrome, and Girlfriend Syndrome
Your best friend gets a boyfriend (or girlfriend). At first, this is an exciting time. You and your best friend are enthusiastic and you are completely supportive, because this is the moment she had been waiting for, you helped her draft and copy edit her texts, you opened your closet for her when it came time for their first “Netflix and Chill,” and you helped to select her latest eye-catching Instagram picture.
The first 4-7 months of their relationship should be terrific (if they make it this far). They’re enjoying each other’s’ company without the invisible restrictions of a lack of trust, and the benefits of expanding both parties’ tv/movie streaming library (i,e. partner offers hulu or HBO GO account password). Essentially they’re living in a fool’s paradise. Neither knows the other well enough to give them a hard time about their ex, or how they manage their time. The newborn relationship is much to fragile to f*** with.
But after this “honey moon phase,” either partner will test the endurance of the relationship, and the built up trust. Also, they know more (perhaps too much) information about the other person’s past love life, and drunken alter ego. Cue the moment when your best friend might start to show symptoms of Boyfriend or Girlfriend syndrome. Symptoms include, but are not limited to the following:
•Declining plans they would normally accept
•Providing lame, or falsified, excuses for aforementioned absence
•Easily distracted by texts from significant other
•Texts significant other at inopportune moments when you, the third party, need to talk to your best friend about important issues like the new Unicorn-flavored Frappuccino.
•Dissolving communication with friends who promote a more rowdy lifestyle
•Seeing close friends as irrational
•Dressing more conservatively than usual
•Getting, on average, less drunk
•Inviting over significant other for activities that typically don’t require their attendance (i,e. napping, reading, showering, getting a f***** Brazilian)
Note: The research I’ve gathered is extremely hetero-normative, but is, I assume, applicable to our gay and lesbian relationships as well.
These symptoms can range in frequency and magnitude, which is inversely correlated to the quality of the other relationships your best friend is fostering. In other words, the more intense the symptoms of BFS or GFS, the weaker your ties are with your best friend. This can be particularly frustrating, for you the third party, and you might find that you two are fighting more than usual, or simply communicating less (this is usually the case for those who are less confrontational or those who have tried to talk about it a number of times but to no avail).
Ultimately, these symptoms can fester, and increase in frequency. And, left untreated, your friend can be diagnosed with a full-fledged case of BFS or GFS, which can ruin peripheral relationships for your best friend and hinder professional opportunities. For example, Kendall and Gigi can survive a Gigi-Zayn intensification, but Kendall might notice that Gigi has been ignoring, and becoming increasingly hostile towards, Hailey Baldwin. Hailey, in this scenario, is the partygoer and shenanigan-encouraging friend. Hailey isn’t trying to aggravate the delicate Gigi-Zayn trust prism, but she’s unknowingly straining Gigi, because pulling her into her slut days might mean that Zayn pulls her in further to mitigate scandalous behavior that could threaten the monogamy of their relationship.
The harmful effects of BFS and GFS can also manifest themselves in your best friend’s professional or academic careers. In this case, your best friend might decline or shy away from applying to a program, or job, because of its location with respect to their significant other’s location.
Conversely, they can be motivated to engage in opportunities that are more parallel to their partner’s plans. For instance, they might take a low-paying job in Brentwood because their partner gets a job in LA. Even though they once had aspirations to go to Yale Law School (ha ha am I projecting?!?!)
I digress. BFS or GFS left untreated can have harmful long-term effects like losing childhood friends, missing out on binge-drinking, and in some rare cases, you can “get pregnant, and die” (Coach Carr, 2004). But, there’s nothing you can do to cure BFS or GFS, you just have to sit around and wait until your pal comes to his or her senses. Most infected by BFS or GFS can only diagnose themselves in retrospect, and will spend most of their relationship in denial of being affected.
High-profile cases of Real-life BFS:
•Beyoncé and Jay-Z (hail to the queen, BFS does NOT demote her from royalty)
•Amy Winehouse and “Blake” (please see the documentary Amy!!)
•Sammi Sweetheart and Ron (RIP J.shore)
If you, or someone you know, are suffering from this crippling syndrome, don’t hesitate to get help.
Ask yourself, are you the “Best Friend?”
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