Eldest Child Entitlement Theory
First-borns, you may be wondering why you think the other half of the avocado is always yours, or why people sigh when you leave your dishes in the sink. And well the answer is: you done played yourself, sis.
As a middle child, I have all of the qualities of a perfect roommate, if I don’t say so myself. I am considerate of those around me, making sure that their needs are met before my own. I get dressed in the dark in the morning if my roommate is still sleeping, and I never blow-dry my hair when people are talking. I was conditioned this way as a second born child because my elder, my older sister, disciplined me in such a way that it would ensure a lifetime of seniority and a rigid hierarchy based on birth order. Where other cultures, typically those of the Asian countries, instill a “chain of screaming” from parent to child we as Americans leave the real authority up to the oldest child (“How I Met Your Mother,” 2008). I of course instilled these values in my younger sister, but that’s not the point. I still, being the middle, was a protector of my younger sister and therefore came to juggle the needs of both. And my younger sister, to a lesser extent, came to accommodate my older sister and I. A queen of compromise some would say: a born diplomat.
A big part of this accommodation was sharing. Sharing food, sharing clothes, sharing toys, sharing friends, sharing secrets. Now, by the same logic that an older sibling (given that they are not exceptionally innately considerate) has solidified their dominance in their immediate familial household, they sometimes move this behavior into their young adult, and adult living arrangements. This can cause a sense of entitlement when it comes to the belongings of the people around them aka their roommates. Because they instilled such a dominance in their own homes, and we the youngest children let them have their way with us, they came to believe that this is how all people loan their goods. They confused sharing with taking, and somewhere along the way us second and third and fourth born children stood idly by and let them think that this was normal adult behavior.
But this is not polite adult conduct. You must ask someone if you can use her “Naked 2” palette, or her favorite kitchen knife, or his contact solution. Because if we don’t know where these objects have been misplaced, we might kill you (with said knife), or worse we might even be 10 minutes late to work.
We, the younger siblings, are not mad at you. In fact, we take full responsibility because we kind of let it happen. In a way, we were bad parents. We let you walk all over us, and now you poor things think that you have unrestricted access, or a right, to everyone else’s s***. We feel really bad about it now because your roommates probably gripe about you behind your back and you can’t even see it. You think that sharing is a right, but it’s a privilege. Sad!
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