Let's Talk About Toxic Relationships In YA Media!

We've all grown up seeing images of toxic relationships in YA-oriented television shows. The problem is that most of the time we had no idea they were toxic because they were presented as #relationshipgoals. Let's unpack that! (For UK Buzz Fellowship)

For years we have been shown images of toxic relationships disguised as healthy. Nowhere is this more true than in young adult-oriented media. I'm talking about the domineering, bad boy of a boyfriend who takes control and doesn't take into account anyone's feelings when he does it--not even those of the woman he claims to love. Like when Edward took the engine out of Bella's car to prevent her from visiting Jacob.

Via twilightsaga.wikia.com

And they say romance is dead.

He knows what's best for her. He alone has the rights to make decisions about her life, especially if it's been in danger for some reason. This is even more so when he himself is a non-human being (e.g., vampire). Like when Damon threatened to break Elena's arm to stop her from doing something he didn't like.

Via scienter.tumblr.com

How romantic!

As a result, he doesn't feel comfortable when she's not in his sight or under his control. He sees himself as in possession of her. Granted, he takes care of his possessions well. But he also has to know what's going on with possessions at all times. Like that time Anastasia went to visit her mom and Christian showed up after to take her back home.

Via tealeavesdogears.com

Nevermind that they were broken up at the time.

These guys are the poster boys for domestic violence/intimate partner violence. No, literally.

Via thehotline.org

It's practically a winning card of bingo for these relationships.

So what's makes us root for textbook abusive relationships and how does this inform teens in their own romantic relationships?

Via shutterstock.com

Or perhaps the more appropriate question is: what makes us dislike healthy relationships in media?

The word most often linked with healthy relationships in media is boring. Jacob and Bella was seen as boring in comparison to the exciting life of Bella trying to not to get killed while dating Edward. Stefan and Elena was seen as boring in comparison to the sweet promise of Damon using his vampiric strength to overpower Elena whenever they disagreed. Christian domineering Ana's life was the solution to the 'problem' of Ana dating some boring schlub who lets her out of the house whenever she wants.

As for how this informs teens in romantic relationships...

Via visitcolumbusga.com

According to Love Is Respect (2017), "[one] in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence." That's not even including the number of incidents that go unreported by victims for reasons including shame and potential outing of same-sex relationships. Teens are being abused at significantly high rates. There is not direct correlation between supporting toxic relationships in the media and the numbers, but this isn't purely coincidence either.

There is very little data on how supporting toxic relationships in media correlates with the prevalence of teen dating violence. So let's start the conversation. Let's think about the media we consume and how it informs us. The conversation is only the start of taking action and begins with us.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.