In 2015, S. S. Rajamouli’s “Baahubali: The Beginning” roared its way onto our screens—a whirl of weapons, war-cries, and waterfalls. Oh, and that one bald dude everyone really liked. It is fantasy epic at its best, embellished by romantic subplots of men climbing literal precipices to meet mysterious masked women, which by the way, literally sets the bar for courtship, 5000 feet up.
In the summer of 2019, I embarked on a six-week tour of India with five of my closest friends. We travelled across more than 20 cities and five states, and although none of those said places were Mahishmati, we did visit Ramoji Film City, which came pretty close. Ramoji houses an incredible collection of set pieces from the “Baahubali” franchise, and I remember vividly—as we squinted at the ten foot high statues of horses and regal staircases, my friend Matt turned to me in confusion and said, “What in the world is this?”
1. Why are the opening credits almost ten minutes long? When does it even start?
2. Sivagami is one badass grandma. Also, does she have magical under-water breathing powers?
3. We love a healthy display of parenting.
4. He definitely hits the gym! Look at that bicep curl, bro.
5. Where do you think he goes to gym? Actually, where does he even live?
6. Why is this turning into Jim Carrey’s "The Mask"?
7. How is he even climbing that huge waterfall? And for WHAT?!
8. No butterflies were harmed in the making of this music video.
9. Who’s this random flying goddess? Why does the guy look like he’s about to eat her?
10. How does his hair look so good, even after scaling a whole waterfall?
11. Why are you climbing? Why are you climbing?
12. How long has Devasena been stuck in those clothes?
13. Kattapa is grandpa goals. How’s he still killing it at that age?
14. What’s with these waterproof tattoos?
15. No seriously, how does she not notice him drawing on her?
16. Avanthika’s family really promote self-love, don’t they?
17. Is this a real city? The architecture looks incredible!
18. Who is this dude? Serious beard goals.
19. Do people really fight bulls like that?
20. His anklet though!
21. Why is Bhallaladeva’s headpiece giving me serious Lego Legends of Chima vibes?
22. Is this what Shiva calls flirting?
23. Why is this man getting philosophical now?
24. Did they just marry and get matching tattoos? All in one hour??
25. The avalanche looks like DK Summit on Mario Kart.
26. Sooooo, he just built a giant gold statue of himself?
27. Why is that sword hidden in paprika?
28. Why did he throw his mum in the chariot like a sack of rice?
29. So, he can break swords with his bare hands, but a log of wood knocks him out?
30. That hair flick though. That knee slide. The rain pouring down. The lightning and thunder.
31. I knew the Queen Mother was a badass. Feeding two babies, sitting on a throne, and ordering a massacre at the same time? Iconic.
32. Why is the exact same actor playing Baahubali and Shiva? Like surely, they could have changed his beard, or his haircut. Or it could have just been a different dude. I’m so confused.
33. Why does Bhallaladeva want to kill Baahubali so bad? Does he hate being second-best?
34. Are fiery flying carpets a valid war technique?
35. Is that a murderous lawn mower?
36. I wonder how hard it was to be casted as an extra in this movie – you just had to agree to get thrown around.
37. *When Bhallaladeva doesn’t become king*: When you try your best but you don’t succeed.
38. THAT PLOT TWIST THOUGH! Mind = Blown! Katappa aka everyone’s favourite character killed the OG Baahubali.
